Mania

So much of GE mania going around. Even within my four walls.

I’m not a politically-crazy person. I’m not that interested in the politics. I just want everything to be the same because I believe I’m comfortable where I am & I believe we should always stay loyal & faithful.

And most importantly, I’m one of the few people who do not believe that the grass are always greener on the other side.

Everywhere, you see the younger generations ranting about the PAP. Opposing to them, hating them like they killed their entire money or forcing them to pay billions of taxes. Most of them have not even started working.

I just wanna ask, how much did you pay the PAP so far? I can imagine, not one cent. I paid. I paid less than $100 for my tax last year. And I didn’t even complain. I’m more than thankful that it’s so little. I’m so grateful we are not like other countries where the tax goes as high as 50%.

The kids talking out loud here, are kids who are still in school. Probably taking some degree somewhere, private or not doesn’t matter. They just think that when they are over the age of 21, they get this special power, to vote, to rebel against the government, they think too highly of themselves. They are the ones who only know how to open their mouth without using their tiny ass brain. Yes they have education. That doesn’t mean they can be smart.

Anyway, what I truly wanna say is, don’t oppose for the sake of opposing.

Every time I ask an opposition-supporter why do they wanna vote for the opposition, their replies are always stupid ass replies like “Because PAP always win”, “Because must make PAP scared”, “Because I not happy with the PAP”, “Because PAP eat money”.

Nobody can give me a good answer to date. Nobody. What kind of shit ass answer is that? So what’s your point?

So to them, the grass is always greener on the other side. Good for them that they are over 21, and they get their rights to vote for the “greener side”.

I talked to my daddy about it. He was cool about it. He knows what the younger generation thinks and he knows what the opposition-supporters think. He is cool. He expect such outcome.

I wanna try & be cool like him. I don’t wanna be battling it out with the people, telling them things which they don’t even bother because all of them are truly blinded by their hatred for our government & their strong desire to oppose & rebel.

Who wouldn’t wanna rebel? Especially when they are given the choice, who wouldn’t? That, I could understand.

I would tattoo, smoke, get pregnant if I’m given the choice. Quit my job, stay jobless, be an ah lian etc. Wouldn’t that be great? To rebel against your parents & do whatever you want. You would think by rebelling, you get the freedom you long for.

Well. I don’t wanna comment too much because it’s a really sensitive issue.

Just that I get puzzled when people who are living under their parents’ protective wings, living a comfortable life, no worries over money or food etc, yet they have the most to complain about, have the most to oppose.

I wonder, what about the poor, the illed, those lying in the hospice/old folks home & all. I wonder who will they vote for?

I’m an average family. I have no problem with them. If the old & poor vote for opposition, then, I’ll respect their vote & I would probably know that they must have their reason to oppose. Perhaps our government is not doing enough for them that’s why they wanna oppose. But to those students, who are not even paying taxes, who are buying expensive clothings, living luxurious live, just went clubbing last weekend, what have you got to oppose to?

What have you got to complain about? You think by voting the opposition, everything will be half priced? & that your flats will be upgraded to super huge sized flats, at super cheap rates, & once you step out of the house, it’s a paradise surrounding your house, will crystal floor, beautiful scenery? No need to collect tax anymore. Eating at the restaurants without the need to pay gst. Your pay will increase by 100% & your kids will all go to branded schools. You don’t have to pay bills anymore because it’s all covered by the government. You can let the tap run the whole day cus water is free & on the air conditional can be on for the entire day because electricity is free.

The grass is always greener on the other side huh? Nice.

I don’t know. I don’t understand.

Okay I’m totally commenting too much. I shouldn’t. It’s just too sensitive & it’s a never ending debate because I know those riches will probably say that they are being sucked away by the government, & that they could have been billionaire etc.

Oh and also, PAP will never stoop so low, as to dig out the dirts of the oppositions, & circulate them on the internet, where the youths are the most active at, & try to influence them through all these rubbish reports.

Play it fair & clean.

Only the ignorants, will read those rumours circulated on the internet, & think to themselves “omg, so pap is so bad! I should vote for oppositions” etc. Have you ever think about what are the dirts of the oppositions? You will never know because the PAPs will not stoop so low to go & create & circulate for everyone.

Okay, enough said. I just wanna vent it all out because honestly, I’m very upset, yet I know I shouldn’t comment on it & just keep quiet & watch what happen to sg.

Okay good night.

Btw, tomorrow is my last day. Finally. Sigh.

I Wanna Cry

Because I can’t sleep. I bloody hell can’t sleep. It’s 2:30am & I’m wide awake! Guess it’s been my unhealthy lifestyle for the past 1 week. Enjoying too much. Relaxing too much. Too many naps, too many late nights.

My entries are like.. Boring. Eh?

From now on, I’m gonna write more interesting things here. Like what? I don’t know. But I need to spice things up a little.

Eye appointment tmr! Keeping my fingers crossed! Wheeeee.

I’m currently under 2 blankets & have got medicated oil rubbed all over my tummy & took the “emergency miracle powder”. Suffering from indigestion. Seems like the fish & chips from my late dinner did not go in well at all.

Love this photo from trip to TW :)
It’s lovely, & I’m happy with it.

Plagued

It’s a sunny Friday. It’s a Public Holiday. It’s a happy day. It’s a Good Friday.

But I am fucking fucking fucking attacked. I’m crushed I’m dead. My day is ruined.

Fucking fucking fuck that PMS bitch. I am in a fucking dead shit hole now I am so moody I can kill anyone with my stare. Don’t even try talking to me. You’ll be burnt alive.

I am pissed. Pissed with the way things are going on. With what’s happening in me. With the changes that I can’t control. I’m very upset. It seemed like I am destined to be like this. I am very pissed. Very pissed. Everything is fucked up. I’m being led by the nose again. Pulled into despair again. Attacked by the bloody hooded creature again. Was it because I missed a dose yesterday that lead to this murder scene today. Or is it just in me? Damn you. I mustn’t be her. I mustn’t be that crazy stupid whore. I need more self-respect. Fuck it. Fuck it.

“IN THIS CRAZY WORLD, I’M THE MOST NORMAL GIRL. IN YOUR CRAZY WORLD, I’M THE MONSTER THAT MAY EAT YOU ALIVE”

And I want to. I want to eat you alive so much. Swallow you into my endless pit hole and digest you part by part. Maybe I want to do it because I bloody well hate you. I hate you even in my body. I hate you. Everything about you. I am mad because of you. You’re the monster, not me.

Me Time

Having some much-needed “me-time” today. Running some errands, having going around town getting all that’s needed. However, failed to do my Pre-employment Medical Check-up. Shit. Too late. My eyelash appt lasted longer than expected. Well, I’ll do it soon. Have about 2 weeks.

Currently, at NanXiang Restaurant, having lunch by myself. Loving it. I feel rich & cool whenever I eat out by myself. No money, but rich. Stock up on my Famous Amos again. Happy like a bird. Carefree!

Food is here! Yum.

Good For Me

Just wanna update since it’s been quite some time. Haven’t been busy just that I’ve been using the iPad way too much and it has problems with WordPress so I haven’t been logging in.

I’m currently in a good place. I seldom say that because I believe it’ll jinx the goodness away but well, fuck care with it. It’ll go away anyway. There will be highs and lows. Now is one of the mid-range.

Oh bad news, I’m terribly broke. Not kidding. I have less than $200 for the next almost 20 days. And on top of that, I have a massive amount of bills to pay. So as of today, I’m broke. And I’m negatively broke as I already borrowed like $200. But nothing is gonna stop me from buying a new bag.

As it is, I’m buying a new bag for myself. New job, new start, new chapter, NEW BAG.

I really wanted that Prada Canapa Jacquard Canvas bag and definitely would have gotten it if not for my current financial state. It’s not that expensive. Less than $1k. And it’s the perfect bag of the perfect size and the perfect amount. Ugh. BUT as for now, I can only afford the Kate Spade Anabel. BIG SIGH.

But I’m not giving up. I’m gonna get that Canapa. I AM BECAUSE I WILL. Just wait for my next pay check end of May or end of June. I WON’T GIVE UP. IT’S SOOO CHEAP AND FAB!! HOW CAN I NOT GET THAT!!!

Ohhhhh. Did you hear? I’M ON WHOPPING 1 WEEK LEAVE. FOR FREE! BEST PART. HEE! Mad happy la when the doctor gave me 4days Hospitalisation Leave for my eye infection. Best infection ever. BEST! So I’m off till Sunday. And Monday need to go for follow up again. Maybe I’ll take MC that day too. Depends.

I know I’ve been way too lazy for my own good. But I just felt this chapter of my life ending. And it kind of got draggy towards the end. Like I can’t wait for it to end, and start afresh, but it kind of have been taking far too long to end. You get what I mean? Real draggy. I hate it. I feel like I’m wasting my days away, just waiting for this chapter to come to an end. Real bad. But I have less than 2 weeks. I can’t wait to start on my new career, feeling really motivated, really enthusiastic, really young and fresh again. It’s the best feeling. Feeling the vibe in your veins. I miss it. Been a long while. These few months have been really tough for me. What with the relationship issues, the work issues, the family issues. I just can’t wait to close them off and start afresh.

Comes May I’ll be a better person. Comes May I’ll be a changed person. Comes May it’ll be a WHOLE NEW CHAPTER, with fresh new pages for me to fill up, fresh new perspective for life, new goals, A NEW ME, I hope. I don’t wanna be going round and round again in the same dead-end circle.

You can wish me luck cus I’m gonna need it.

So! Plans for this week: NO PLANS. JUST GONNA ROCK IT EVERYDAYYY.

Yay I’m the best.

Now, gonna rock my iPad and watch Friends again. I’m kind of sick in the brain but I like the same old routine :)

The RUSH

Yea! What’s with the rush? Where are we rushing to? End of the world?

I have no idea why, but I just feel very upset when I feel this “rush” within me.

Why can’t we just sit in my room, watch tv, snacking away, & not care about anything? Why must I worry about my weight, my time, me wasting my youth away, my money etc? Why can’t we just be very carefree & not care about a thing?

Why when I just need 1 day to relax, but I feel incredibly guilty about it, it’s like I’m totally wasting my youth away, doing nothing when I should be really you know, doing something like charity work, or reading up for my “career” or whatever? Why?

I’m not even 23 & I’m worrying my life away! Why? I’m going crazy stressing so much like the world’s on me.

I wanna do well in life but I’m damn lazy to actually work it out.

Maybe I should go for a run later. Yea. Clear my mind.

I hate it. I shouldn’t be worrying.

Today

As of today, I’ve decided, that I do not need savings. & to hell with savings. I’m gonna lead the high life. LOL.

I’m just very tired of stressing about the money money money. Seriously. I’m so stressed that sometimes I can’t sleep at night. That my calculator refuse to work for me anymore.

I know savings are important. I won’t forget that.

:(

RANTS

Skip if you don’t wanna read my rants, because this entry is all about my rants. All the things that make me angry. Yea I’m an angst girl. I admit it. But I do keep a lot of my anger deep inside me. So I have to let it out some way. And here is one of the way.

I bloody hate:

– Aunties who think that they are some VVVVIP & deserve to take up 2 seats on the bus, one for their big chunky ass & another one for their stupid NTUC/SHENGSIONG plastic bags! You are old doesn’t mean you can take up 2 seats okay?! You paid for 1 seat & that’s all that you should get! Bloody hell.

– Uncles who don’t even bother to hide while they stare at your chest. Knnbccb. Shameless old nasty old ti-ko.

– People who read newspaper on the bus. Like wtf? What are coffee table for?

– People with bad breath. Especially doctors. It borderlines on abuse. You might as well cane me while you talk. I might enjoy it more.

– People who refuse to move in to the rear of the bus. Karma will come when you are damn late for work.

– People who don’t bath in the morning. We can tell. At least I can. & that’s what perfumes are created for. Apply it. Don’t be proud of your odour.

– Couples who hug in bus/train. Get a room. Your disgusting intimacy isn’t the ideal view that I should get on a 1 hour train ride.

– People who step on dog/cat poop and walked around with it. I’m sorry for your misfortune but because of you, I had a horrible 10mins walking on the same path as you.

* I was apprehensive about writing the above as I’m afraid that karma may strike & I will suffer the same misfortune. So I do apologise for stating the above. I know you don’t mean to step on the poops.

– People who cut your queue while waiting for cab. Knnbccb. You ought to be jailed! It’s a crime!

– Taxi uncles who think that they are some Edison-Chen-lookalike-driving-handsome-sportscar-thus-allowed-to-be-choosy-with-their-passengers. You are just an old man with oily ugly hair & driving a stupid Toyota. You don’t get money if I don’t pay you. Knn. Don’t come & say the machine is not working & you only accept small change cash.

– Super stuck-up cosmetic-counter-girls. Like WTF? You own the brand issit?! You own Chanel issit? Wtffff la! You with the smelly breathe & super thick unnatural thick make up with oily T-zone don’t try to act like you are one big Miss Universe. I’m your customer you are my servant! Don’t bloody give me attitude & act like you are so pretty. Stupid uneducated ugly counter girls. If I don’t buy you don’t get commission okay!

Okay much better now. A few days’ worth of rants.

Satisfied. Now I’m gonna sleep & hope that karma won’t knock on my door tonight.

Drop

Just a short post.

Just wanna say, good night my world.

Now I’m beginning to feel sad about leaving my work place. I think I might cry during my last day. Sobs. I’m gonna miss working with all my dear colleagues. It’s so sad to be leaving a place where you’ve worked for 3 years & know everybody so well. Sob sob. Seriously, I’m sad.

But I also know that there’s never a party that wouldn’t end. It is inevitable for me to leave this place. There are so many opportunities out there, so many more things for me to learn & to see. I can’t stay here forever. There will definitely be a day where I need to go. Even if I don’t, other people will.

Sigh. Didn’t expect that I’ll feel sad. I had hate this place so the past 2 years. Now then I start to feel the attachment I have for this place. Sigh.

Well, this is what we do right. The only thing that’s constant, is change. Human move on & on all the time. We just need to get used to it. Just need to embrace changes. Don’t linger in the past, or linger around emotions. There’s no positivity in those area. Only by moving forward, do we get the tiny glimpse of light. There is no happiness staying put. This is life. Embrace changes. You can’t hide from them. You can’t.

Okay good night my little people. Remember, embrace changes, then, you’ll get to absorb the positivity that’s been waiting for you.

Fuzzy

My last night today. Could be my last night shift in CGH. But still can’t feel the sadness yet. Hah.

Anyway, still feeling fuzzy. Sigh. My emotional health is at it’s weakest. It’s like I got the “Cancer” emotionally. Getting from bad to worse. I’m so weak. To the max. I need to protect myself. Need to be stronger. But why?

Sigh. I’m definitely thinking too much.

Didn’t get to sleep much today. Mom’s making too much noise in the house. What with her singing & the vacuum. Now I’m kinda sleepy already :(

Tomorrow is my sleeping day. Hope to go out but I hope it won’t be too busy tonight.

Now I’m just talking crap. Real boring crap.

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