BLING for 2011!

Went pedicure today after seeing doctor. Actually planned to go with a normal french tip but decided to do something nice for new year ;)

Awesome! Totally ready for new year ;) Can’t actually see how nice it is. But it’s really superb in real-life!

Love my new bling!

Love my new bling!

Mr Samurai

Bad bad romance. Mr Samurai gave me a bad diarrhoea this morning. Bad bad retching. Bad bad bad gastric cramps.

Had to call in sick. When I’m actually sick, I feel guilty for taking MC. When I’m faking it, I feel all righteous. Funny.

Done with the doctor. Trying to make myself feel better by coming for a pedicure. In preparation for the new year.

PMS & food poisoning really gives me very bad mood. You can’t blame me for jumping at the slightest unhappiness can you?

You know as a nurse, nobody takes care of you. Even when you are sick, you are expected to search through the medicine cabinet to look for the right antidote for yourself. That’s the crazy part. You are supposed to go see doctor yourself, drink more water yourself, etc. And that’s a fucking shit. I’m just a girl. Like everyone else. I’m a nurse but that doesn’t mean I don’t need the much-deserving TLC.

But, fine, whatever. I can’t be bothered to go begging some TLC off some ass. Fuck you.

And fuck you diarrhoea.

Mr Softy

There will always always be a soft-spot in everyone. No matter how wicked the person is, yes.

For me, I have a billion soft-spots. I melt easily. I do. I’ll throw every pride, ego, anger, frustration away.

Anyway, the point is, I’m very frustrated about this. I’m very pissed with myself about it.

***

Okay, what’s that thing called? The P thing? Oh yes, PMS. Damn it.

I’m off to bed. You are off to hell.

***

I’m so flicker-minded. I’m so pissed with myself that I’m so flicker-minded. Shit you. Why can’t I just stick to one decision & stay on with it? Why must I change & flow with my emotions? I can’t deal with myself & I can’t trust myself right now. It’s too frustrating. I can’t do it. I can never ever make a decision. & my fucking emotions just keep on fucking me upside down, inside out.

Fuck emotions. Fuck you. Stop fucking me.

***

See, told you. Pms. Gees. Night.

xoxo

Mr Dentist

Oh my oh my. I totally totally forgot about my dental appt today! And I agreed to help me manager to clean the bloody theatre! My dentist is soooo gonna kill me.

Gotta reschedule again.

Siannnn.

Just cook lunch for myself. Prepare for work.

Egg soup with vermicilli

Egg soup with vermicilli

WHAT?

Had a “pep-talk” with my manager today. She is my senior manager, the biggest in my department.

She asked me if I’m facing problems at work, and that she said that she understand why I’m taking so many mc, which is because I’m being bullied to scrub for many cases & being unappreciated at the same time & also frustration with the lazy team members.

So she talked & she talked & she talked. She said she got high hopes in me, and she wanna keep me, groom me, send me for advance diploma, hmdp for ent, and wanna promote me. But she said I need to show her that I can do it, and that no matter how hard to try to push me to the higher management for promotion, she could not, due to my mc rate. And so she want me to take less mc, so that she can push me on next year.

I’am a little overwhelmed, a little scared, very very guilty. I’m so guilty because I know I’m gonna let her down.

She totally wrecked my plans. Totally. I was happily on the way to end my career in nursing this coming April but here she is making me think twice & that I actually have got a choice to make. But I already dumped all my money into the wedding career, I can’t do this to myself.

An advance diploma bond is 2 years, course itself is 1 year. Hmdp bond is 2 years, course itself is 6 weeks. What the hell, I’ll be 30 by then. I can’t. Seriously I can’t.

Sigh. And now, I’m very guilty. That’s why I agreed to go to work tomorrow just to help her clean up theatre 7 & 8 as they have just finish the renovation. Tomorrow is supposed to be my off-day. Made a huge sacrifice okay. Something that you won’t ever see me doing.

But now I’m seriously guilty. Seriously. What am I gonna do when I take mc again next week?? She is gonna be so disappointed. Should I tell her now that I’m not interested? Oh gosh. Can’t sleep tonight already.

Anyway, just finished the wedding at MBS. It was a boring wedding. Typical wedding. Sherwin didn’t plan it but he manage it for the day only. But the scenery at MBS is so awesome that I stood there watching it for so long.

I realise I’m such a emotional person. Little things can get me all riled up. I should really change for the better, and learn how to let go as & when necessary. I cannot always brood over the same thing over & over again. And I need to be a bigger person (not physically). I need to be more graceful & not so competitive. There will be a lot of people who are more successful than me, more creative than me, more beautiful than me, more richer than me, more luckier than me. But I also will be qualities that makes me higher than them too, for sure. I don’t know if this is a reflection of my insecurities or low self-esteem/confidence about myself but it’s definitely something that I need to change.

For a better 2011! Cheers. Night!

xoxo

Meery Christsam

The above spelling error, is in purpose. Because, I’m not feeling merry at all and I hate this Christmas.

But, it is good that it’s almost done. Almost. Just a few more hours to do and it’ll be done. Finally. Next up would be new year. I’m not looking forward to it, but I think I can handle it.

Stayed at home the whole day watching “She’s out of my league”. I’m really actually dating with my computer. But I’m happy with her.

There’s work in the morning, followed by, wait for it – Wedding at MBS :) Yes! It’s finally here. Supposed to be meeting Sherwin 1630hrs at the convention hall. I’m really scared & excited. It’s really really my first time ever to go as planner (assistant/student/whatever). I’m so scared. I think I’ll be totally awkward there.

I got myself a black dress (for only $20-sweeeeet!) From New Look and I’m thinking should I wear that with heels? Or comfy flats? I mean, I wanna look good, but I think I should be comfortable enough to run in it isn’t it? Hmmm my fellow course-mate is wearing heels. The pilot wife.

Have I told you about her before? She is amazing. She is 30+, very pretty, very slim, doesn’t look like 30+ at all. She is my idol. Idol not as in I admire her, but I love her attitude. Her husband is a pilot and she is totally okay with it. She is totally okay with it. And she is happy about it. I guess I just need some growing up to do, and some independence to get me started. But she does has got 2 boys to keep her occupied & totally busy. Well, I don’t. All I have is my computer & work. Work meaning like, really work, really dreading kinda work.

Okay anyway, next week, last week of 2010. Can’t wait for the new year. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, and my mind soaked with positivity. Nothing else but positivity. I’ll have a blast in 2011. Positivity. I’ll be fine. Positivity. I’ll be happy-ier. Positivity.

And, yes, I guess I shall push my new year resolutions to next week? Hopefully. And a wish-list :)

Next week, I’ll be stationed in GS. Bad. I’m scared to death and I will eventually die, not on the table, more like beside the table. GS, for those not in my line, means General Surgery. The discipline I was in since I entered my work, which means I have a strong 2 years of experience in that field. But I’ve been stuck in ENT for the past 8mths and you know, I’m really not confident about being in a GS theatre & running it. Shit I’m so not confident of myself. Please, don’t give me a liver or any vascular. I can’t take mc anymore means I really need to handle it myself. Damnnnn.

Okay, Merry Christmas everyone. I will stop saying that this Christmas sucks already. Love everybody. Hope everyone got a better Christmas than me :)

xoxo

What?

It is so damn difficult, but it feels so good. How?

Merry Suicide

Spent huge amount of time yesterday, watching “Meet The Parents” as well as “Meet The Fockers”. Those are a few of the Christmassy movie. Isn’t it? But it’s alright. It didn’t affect me badly. So I watched it. Today, I’m braving myself for “Love Actually” which I have to pause it every 10 minutes to prevent myself from being overwhelmed by it.

So, I wonder, is it still a bad time to start watching all these very merry movie? I mean, is it too hard for me? I can’t wait for Christmas to be over. And I’m really done with the merriment. And I can’t say that I’m fond of new year this year too. Is that too hard? It’s really, really depressing me.

***

 

Been in love with cooking. Spaghetti to be exact.

Self created, trying to be like, aglio olio, but turn out to be more like fried noodles. LOL. Nevertheless, it is very nice.

The best thing about cooking for yourself is that you can choose to put whatever ingredients you like. I’m a very picky eater and there are a lot of things that I don’t eat and which the chefs love to put it into my spaghetti.

 

***

 

Still at home watching Love Actually. Feeling very sad cus I’ve just send out a “who is free for Xmas eve” message and I am guessing I am the only one without any plan. I am actually fine with it. But when the day is here, which is tomorrow, I’m hoping I won’t take it too hard. I actually didn’t wanna have anything since I’m working on Christmas day. But, well, I guess it’s more like I don’t have a choice.

Nah, I’m fine. It’s okay, it’s just Christmas.

Mommy’s “God-Son”

LOL. This is a very very strange topic, everything about this relationship is strange. My mom has never ever had a God-son before. Never. And never ever had the intention to get a God-son.

So this God-son I’m talking about, is no other than my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I KNOW!! HOW STRANGE.

But this guy has been very very good to my mom. Sending her cake during her birthday every year, calling her and chatting with her, inviting her to his wedding (yes he is married now) etc. I don’t mind him at all. In fact, I like him too because he is very nice, and it was my stupid sister who broke his heart, (same old method, fell for another guy and then broke up with him to be with the other guy) so I’ll always have this guilt towards him. And I’m totally okay with my mom wanting him to be her God-son.

The problem is, obviously, my sister. She hates him to the core ( for some unknown reason, since she is the one who broke his heart!). Maybe she is thinking that he has been so good to my mom because:

1) trying to win her back through the mother – proved wrong since he is already married

2) couldn’t get over her – proved wrong again since he is already married and it has been what? 6 years? 7 years?

I don’t know. But my sister is violently against him. But to me, it’s no about my sister you know, it’s about my mom what. So I told my mom to go ahead. At first I find him a bit weird too. But all he says is because my mom has been very good to him and he feels like she is a mom to him too. ??? I don’t know. I’m not here to judge. There is nothing to be wary about. Having a God-son would mean someone else to shower my mom with attention during Mother’s day/Birthday etc. What’s not to like?

Okay, that’s all I wanna say about it. Just voicing out my support for him and my mom. LOL

Tell me your views though because it is such a strange combination.

A New Low

Just had an incredible fight with him. Incredible I say, because it was indeed incredible with really ugly words spread all across the screen of my bb. Well of course from both parties, I’m not one to be brought down by his choice of words. In such crucial time, to have such crucial big fight, really isn’t helping at all. And this might be the last fight we’ll ever have. Does it sounds like a happy news or a sad news? The last fight, hmmm.

And I am incredibly calm. Surprisingly calm. Like a sudden peace got over me. Maybe my ultimate subconscious aim was to flare him up like how he did me. Maybe. Or maybe it was the relieve I felt that this IS it that got me to a better place. Or is this the closure they were talking about? But my idea of closure was a much peaceful talk with a friendly hug at the end and a happy parting. Or maybe, it was that this relationship is not dead yet and this has added some sparks to the dying bit we were left with. Or maybe I am such a blood sucking bitch that I’ve been itching for this fierce fight since day 1 and I’m off feeling much satisfied having my desire fulfilled and would love to have some slaps on my face too.

 

I don’t know. That is also not to say that I’m feeling better. It’s just that having just ended a huge dirty fight, the feeling I’m having now, is much much calmer than how I ought to be feeling. I am indeed a bitch itching for a fight.

I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure this will be the last I’ll ever hear from him. It was really bad. Thrashed everything out.

 

I’m gonna drink my favourite shampoo and perfume.

Or, I’ll just down the entire Vodka I have in my kitchen within 30mins and we’ll see what happens.

 

***

 

I need to get cracking on my 2011 new year’s resolutions. It is a serious business for me. Especially so this coming year. Since I’ll be SINGLE AND BOND-FREE, which is totally different from the past 3 years where I am attached and bonded which means that my entire year has already been planned ahead for me.

This year, no no, I’ve got a whole world to run around in. So, I must set serious targets and resolutions. Guess I’ll do them tomorrow. I’ve got the whole day.

 

***

 

Today after kkh appointment with Mom, brought her out with the kids to POMO for Tao’s and then to PS. Planning to do spaghetti tomorrow for her. I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty towards her. It’s a sin city at home now.

I’m gonna watch some movie tonight and then I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ve been going through life and death recently. I don’t think I can take it anymore.

Okay.

 

***

 

Note to self: STOP LISTENING TO “THE BLOWER’S DAUGHTER” CUS IT’S MAKING ME FUCKING EMO LA.

 

***

 

Just discovered a new fb crush! I just kept on repeating ‘omg.. omg.. omg..’ at his every picture. BUT he is attached. To a girl that I know. And you know too. ASK ME WHO! Damn gorgeous. OMG la.

Dead By Dawn

Every time, I make a wish, it’s always happiness I wish for. Just happiness. Nothing specific like wanna strike the toto or find the Mr Right or whatever. But, it doesn’t seem to be working because whatever it is, I’m definitely the opposite of happiness lately. And so, I guess I’m not gonna be humble or less greedy the next time I make a wish. Am definitely gonna make a specific one.

Am bringing Mom to the doc’s tomorrow. Followed by her birthday celebration. Not anticipating it because I’m really not in the mood. Really. Been really guilty lately for all those black faces I’ve been giving. But I am really not in the mood.

:( night.

Urgent

I just couldn’t go to work today. Was reading Harry Potter around 9pm last night and fell asleep. Woke up at 1am and 4am. Anyway, the point is I took urgent leave today. Much to the dismay of my sisters. But I just couldn’t bring myself to work today. I’m sorry.

So I woke up at 1pm today. Don’t wanna go out today at all. Don’t wanna go out and face the overwhelming merry spirit all around. But it’s not good to coop up at home all day. It’ll just make me even more unhappy. So, maybe I’ll go out.

 

Where did my spirit/mood went? Gosh this is really killing me. I’m filled with unhappiness, frustration, disappointment, anger to the brim. To the brim. To the brim. Really not good for me. Really sick of it. I wanna move on but it seems like I’m stopped by the ball & chain secured at my limbs. Really killing me alive.

 

***

 

Gonna go watch SATC season 3 now. Hopefully, it’ll get me back to life.

I NEED TO CHEER UP! I MUST NOT BE RUINED SINGLE-HANDEDLY BY A BLOOD FUCKER. I MUST NOT.

Blower’s Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We’ll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower’s daughter
The pupil in denial

***

Just finish watching “Closer”. A movie that was long due for me to watch. 4 years? I find.. Intriguing. The song above was the song for it.

I’m pretty much not in the mood for anything at all.

I came home at about 2pm today, been on my bed, on this laptop, for the past 6 hours. Wonder what I’ve been doing. Really don’t feel like moving. Just got out to pee. I’m tired. Probably from the lack of sleep, or otherwise. There’s work tomorrow. Don’t feel like going, but have got nothing to do at home anyway, might as well. I’m probably gonna sleep early today. Intense headache. Intense.

I’m right here. Right here.

***

Had a fun celebration yesterday. Managed to keep my thoughts off for awhile.

This season, used to be my favourite, because it’s January. Now that it doesn’t hold anymore significance for me, it’s just plain painful to get by. With all the decorations, the festive mood, the celebrations, it’s like you are being forced to be happy.

Keane

 

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?

Rich & Joyous

Presents chosen & wrapped with my heart!

Presents chosen & wrapped with my heart!

Yay! It’s done! Wrapped them up real nice! Did it this morning. Totally exhausted from my work yet I manage to wrap them up just before I sleep. Expensive wrapping paper from Kikki.K! But it’s so pretty. And Popular’s queue was damn long, had to rush to work, so no choice, gotta get the $19.90 ones.

Today is BONUS DAY! Wheeeee! I don’t feel rich, I feel scared. Scared that I’ll spend all of it away again! Lol.

Just woke up. Going on a date later. It’s a secret for me to know, and for you to find out. I crack easy, so it shouldn’t be a difficult task for you. Lol

Hope it’ll be a fun-filled joyous Christmassy weekend! Can’t wait!

  • Instagram: @candeely

    Welcoming the mommy back to the world of alcohol 🍷 Fun-filled weekend celebration for the birthday boy who got so drunk. Happy birthday my 30 year old husband! 🎈 ♡ Walking the dog and eating ice cream, that's my kind of multitasking. 🍷🍷 thank you for the awesome friendship♡ missing @intercostalspaces #三缺一 #teamshaded vs #teamsunburntobe Perfect weather for a frozen margarita #HOLIDAY #FINALLY #STILLINSGTHOUGH This is how we're spending our Sunday morning..... AS A TEAM! #MedtronicKOM2017 Blackjack under going intensive NS training. #leopardcrawl #sgboys Maybe he can audition for ABTM4🤔
  • Twitter: @candeely

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