Long Gone

I’ve been away for awhile. Work and personal stuff kept me rather busy.

I’m just here to say that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry:
If I’ve ever said anything that hurt you
If I’ve ever done anything that hurt you
If I’ve ever played a prank on you
If I’ve ever badmouthed you
If I’ve ever betrayed you
If I’ve ever been unkind to you
If I’ve ever shouted at you
If I’ve ever threw a tantrum on you
If I’ve ever made your life difficult
If I’ve ever insulted you
If I’ve ever been rude to you
If I’ve ever disrespected you

And a lot more, I’m truly sorry. Please accept my apology. I will not ask God for forgiveness as I haven’t got a clear one in me, so I’m gonna ask you instead.

That’s all I wanna say. Good night.

Post Trauma

Status: Still thinking about it.

Seriously I don’t think I can sleep well tonight because I just keep thinking about it.

:(

It’s like the same as the cannibal story that made me not eat steak for like weeks. But this is much worse. Much worse. Think I’m gonna have nightmares.

And worse, Mr R is away for like 8 days. Awwwww!

Okay I need to get pass it I need to achieve inner peace and self control. Must stop thinking about it now.

Bad people will always get retribution no matter what. They will. They will. They will.

I hope that it’s gonna happen to their own daughters.

Ok peace. Peace. Peace. Keep calm keep calm.

Okay tomorrow is finally mid-week! Yay. Wednesday. I’m gonna be out whole day.

Then Thursday is gonna be the dinner. Overheard my GM saying that us girls might not be having the delicious fine dining due to budget issue. Seriously! Then why am I going! It’s not even my products! Ugh!

You know what? In view of down period and negative aura, I’ve decided to go library and get my Bridget Jones Diary again. And stay away from Haruki Murakami for this period as anything “Japan” is gonna remind me of the tragic story.

Good night everybody. Happy Wednesday. Please spread around about The Tragic Story of Junko Furuta.

Need to cleanse my aura for awhile.

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R.I.P

Status: utterly shocked and traumatized and disgusted.

Just got to know about this story of a 16 years old girl who was tortured for 44 days before the final release of her death due to multiple injuries.

From Wikipedia:

On November 25, 1988, four boys, including Jō Kamisaku, then 17 (Kamisaku was a new family name he took after being released from prison),[1] abducted and held Furuta, a second-year high school (11th grade) student from Misato, Saitama Prefecture, for 44 days. They kept her captive in the house owned by the parents of Kamisaku, located in the Ayase district of Adachi, Tokyo.[2][3]

To forestall a manhunt, one of them forced Furuta into calling her own parents and telling them that she had run away from home, but was with “a friend” and was not in danger. He also browbeat her into posing as the girlfriend of one of the boys when his (Kamisaku’s) parents were around, but when he was sure they would not call the police, he dropped the pretext. Furuta tried to escape several times, begging the parents to help her, but they did nothing, apparently out of fear that Yokoyama would hurt them. Yokoyama was at the time a low-level yakuza leader and had bragged that he could use his connections to kill anyone who interfered.[citation needed]

According to their statements at their trial, the four of them raped her, beat her with metal rods and golf clubs, introduced foreign objects including a light bulb into her vagina, made her eat cockroaches and drink her own urine, inserted fireworks into her anus and set them off, forced Furuta to masturbate, cut her nipple with pliers, dropped dumbbells onto her stomach, and burned her with cigarettes and lighters. One of the burnings was punishment for attempting to call the police. It was also stated that some time after the first acts of torture, she became unable to drink water, which would cause her to vomit whenever she attempted to do so. At one point her injuries were so severe that according to one of the boys it took more than an hour for her to crawl downstairs to use the bathroom. They also related that “possibly a hundred different people” knew that Furuta had been imprisoned there, but it is not clear if this means they visited the house at different times while she was imprisoned there, or themselves either raped or abused her. When the boys refused to let her leave, she begged them on several occasions to “kill (her) and get it over with”.[citation needed]

On January 4, 1989, using a loss at mahjong solitaire, the four beat her with an iron barbell, poured lighter fluid on her legs, arms, face and stomach, and set her on fire. She died later that day of shock. The four boys claimed that they were not aware of how badly injured she was, and that they believed she had been malingering.[citation needed]

On January 5, the killers hid her corpse in a 55-gallon drum filled with concrete; the perpetrators disposed the drum in a tract of reclaimed land in Kōtō, Tokyo.[4]

It really traumatized me as I have never imagine human to be capable of being so cruel. I think words like cruel, beastly, inhumane, psychotic are not the right words to describe the criminals. They need a whole new word for what they did.

I just can’t imagine what the victim must have felt. 44 days! That’s like 1 and a half month. And all the things done to her! I get creeps just thinking about it. Seriously I get this really uncomfortable feeling like I’m gonna vomit or have a stroke whenever I think about it.

I mean, fireworks were inserted into het anus and lit up!

And the criminals aren’t even properly punished just because they were juveniles! Talk about justice!

I can go on and on about it. I’m seriously traumatized. She was only 16!

So scary. I feel sick.

At this point of time, suddenly I feel glad that there is God around. Since law and justice are not able to punish the criminals, at least I know that somewhere out there where God is, they are gonna get punished severely.

I feel so sad for her.

I think everybody should read up about her story and share with everyone, in memory of her.

I know this happened like 23 years ago (1988), but it’s like, so traumatic that you can’t bury it.

And then my sister told me about a recent news that happened Malaysia where a father analled his 23 days old son.

23 days old!!

Not even full month!

But to me that’s not as worse as what happened to Miss Junko because he is only 23 days old and he doesn’t know a thing. Imagine the pain that Junko felt when she know she is being raped and having fireworks inserted into her anus or being burnt. In total, she was being raped 400 over times throughout the entire 44 days of torture.

400 over times! Oh gosh.

I’m seriously traumatized okay.

What’s up with all the psychotic people? Analing your 23 days old son? Inserting hot lightbulbs into vaginal? Seriously? What the fuck?

I don’t know what the law is gonna do with these people but I just hope that God will punish them according to what they did. Seriously.

I hope you will rest in peace Miss Junko. The world will learn about your story and your sufferings. But no one can ever imagine the pain you went through.

Fruitless

Status: Sore feet + lunch X 2

At Mt Alvernia’s cafe now. Gonna have my second lunch. Whahaha. Had a brunch earlier today at TTSH but just a sandwich. Now gonna have another sandwich and coffee.

Ok I admit I came here for a coffee but couldn’t resist the delicious “Club Sandwich” on the menu. So I ordered one. Comes with fries and salad ok.

Ok super guilty. Super.

Today has been fruitless. None of the doctors wanted to see me! :(
Boss is not gonna be happy.
Punishment for ski ing yesterday. Ugh.

Ok gonna eat now!

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Faking it.

Maybe I’m so bad at it, I’m so bad at faking or maybe I just don’t wanna do it, don’t wanna fake it. It’s just so hard for me to fake that smile, fake that tone, fake that expected response.

5 o’clock.

It’s 5 o’ clock in the morning
Conversation got boring
You said you’d go into bed soon
So I snuck up to your bedroom
And I thought I’d just wait there
Until I heard you come up the stairs
And I pretended I was sleeping
And I was hoping you would creep in

***

 

MONDAY!
Ahh it’s been good.

Gotta start work tomorrow. I have no idea where should I go. Mmm. Probably I’ll drop by TTSH. Did I mention that I hate seeing doctors? Because I get totally flustered, and end up talking rubbish while blushing and perspiring like mad.

But that’s my main job. Can you believe it?

 

And funny thing, my boss send us an email today regarding the dinner this Thursday at Fort Canning. He totally said “Girls please don’t wear partying clothes”. Totally directed to me. I KNOW. lol.

 

Okay so I’m just gonna dress like dumb old OL.

 

Just went to the doctor again cus was feeling majorly-depressed. SIGH. Is it because I’ve been a bad person that’s why I’m having break out? Why why why? It has gone to the extend where none of my make up can conceal them anymore. DEPRESSED.

Okay I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, they’ll all be gone. Poooof.

Full On Barbie Princesses

Status: Tired!

 

Just came home from Fairmont. Had a fabulous time there! It’s so fun and so girlie. Can’t wait for the pics to be up.

Can’t believe that’s it for this weekend! Felt so short. Like it’s only one day. Boohoo. Can’t believe tomorrow is Monday already. Sucks!

And also, very tired as don’t know what should I do tomorrow. Don’t know which hospital to go tomorrow. Hope there will be meeting tomorrow. Love meeting as can sit and do nothing but talk crap like I know it. And if meeting during lunch, can get free lunch. Not that I’m cheap but well, free lunch! And also able to meet people and give out my name card. Whahaha.

New hobby: Giving out name cards. Fun!

 

Anyway, my face is getting from bad to worse. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s getting depressing :(

OFFICES BARBIE

Status: Bored & excited

In the office now, doing my “Saturday 3 hours office slack”. Both bosses are in but I’m tempted to sneak out for a snack. The kopitiam here sells delicious curry puff.

Anyway, today we’ll be celebrating me and Sherlyn’s birthday. Will be checking in at Fairmont’s Signature Room! Wheee so excited. And then White Rabbit’s for dinner. And of course, lots of chilling, playing games etc.

Think our last girls’ night in was last December for Christmas. No? I love girls’ night in.

Work has been fine. Having “social dinner” with the doctors next week, sponsored by boss, at Fort Canning. Can’t wait for the food. The good thing about this job is lots of free nice food. Just last Thursday and Friday, I spent my day eating non-stop cus of the all day buffet spread right in front of me. I was at a convocation at NNI and the buffet is served at 9am, 12pm and 3pm. Its crazy. They just keep topping up.

I think next weekend is gonna be a life-changing weekend. And I’m seriously keeping my fingers crossed. Really gonna pray.

Other than that, I think this is it for my birthday celebration. I’M 23. Boohoo.

Did I tell you I have a name card?! Whoohoo right!! Feel so cool to her a namecard! Lol! I know I’m over reacting but I help it! So excited!

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Birthdayed.

I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. With my bb down, and really not wanting to type long sentences with the iPhone, I’m really left with no choice.

I’ve been busy with work and life. Life is work. Work is life. Eh? But I haven’t been myself recently. I don’t know if it’s cus of my birthday, or is it time again. I’ve been very blue.

You know how they say that life is full of ups and downs? Would you rather it be full of ups and downs or have it straight line way? If you were given a choice? I know they say that if you don’t get the downs, the ups wouldn’t seem so beautiful. But well, honestly, maybe I suit the straight line way much better. I don’t mind giving up the ups. Because the downs are just way too down for me.

Anyway, I don’t know what I’m saying.

I’m sad that I’m not who I used to be. Maybe its the coffee. I’ve been drinking way too much of it. But I feel that I’ve even out of touch with myself for more than a year already.

Every birthday, I make the same wish. But every year, it’ll fail me. Maybe this wish is here and I just need to choose it. Make that decision that I should have done long ago? Every year it’ll appear in front of me an I just need to acknowledge it.

Ok I’m gonna sleep. I’m tired.

  • Instagram: @candeely

    Welcoming the mommy back to the world of alcohol 🍷 Fun-filled weekend celebration for the birthday boy who got so drunk. Happy birthday my 30 year old husband! 🎈 ♡ Walking the dog and eating ice cream, that's my kind of multitasking. 🍷🍷 thank you for the awesome friendship♡ missing @intercostalspaces #三缺一 #teamshaded vs #teamsunburntobe Perfect weather for a frozen margarita #HOLIDAY #FINALLY #STILLINSGTHOUGH This is how we're spending our Sunday morning..... AS A TEAM! #MedtronicKOM2017 Blackjack under going intensive NS training. #leopardcrawl #sgboys Maybe he can audition for ABTM4🤔
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