Emosemosemos

you know what, all the emotional human beings should die. they should get all their rights to feel emotions strike off and live their life without any emotions. served them right for mis-using their emotions.

 

well if you want some really juicy emotional-kid, here’s one: elynthechocoholic dot wordpress dot com.

i don’t hate her i just despise her. she’s so emotional but all she wants is attention. God knows why is she so attention-deprived. its not good. its so despicable. when i was her friend, i always felt so irritated by her need for attention. even from me. of course i don’t give a shit about her (i mean if you know me, you’ll know u don’t get pity for your dying illness despite being a nurse, or should i say because im a nurse your silly illness doesn’t move me at all).

im never this emotional in my life. even though you can always see my emotions written allover my face. but seriously, this emotion that she is having, is like a self-pity. its like screaming loud and clear “look at me! give me your sympathy! give me your attention! im dying! somebody care for me!” its just disgusting.

as a girl, ok, a woman, we should all be able to take care of ourselves. we don’t need anyone, we don’t need any attention. if there’s any attention given to me, i want to be spontaneous. like i never expect any attention. like if i say a sentence which made everyone laughed( always happen) when i don’t think its that funny. see? thats the kind of respectable attention. im not praising myself. its just my point of view. just what i really feel that an attention should be like. but her? all she wants is for people to know she is sick and dying and you know describing her pain dramatically. i mean, its so fake.

i don’t do that doesn’t mean other people can’t do that, you’re right. but still, i can’t tolerate. you know i vist her blog once in a while. hoping for some changes in her, but without fail, without fail, it remains the same! every entry is about how pain, how she can’t breath how she is dying how what what what etc. its so boring! i think anyone who reads her blog is like me, just looking out for some changes. if its just sudden acute illness, oh i don’t mind giving some attention. but it has been for years! i’ve known her since i was like 17, until now, 21. different illness different year. i wonder what she has stored for next year! cancer? nah cancer is too common, she wants something that will drag in for years. you see, cancer is abit too obvious if she didn’t start getting bald. ha.

oh im talking toooo much.

you know something? i always go to the doctor by myself, without telling a soul about it. no big deal! when i fainted while scrubbing, i walk myself down to the a&e, waited by myself, and when the doctor wanted to admit me then it strike me that hell maybe i really should tell someone about it (though in the end i refused admission). when its all over, i went home myself and my family were so shocked i reach home at 4am in the morning (i was on night shift and really should go home at about 8am) and thats when i tell them im not feeling well and head off to bed. if its her, hell, she would request for admission immediately, tell everyone on the phone list, make a big fuss and cry all the time. damn it.

and you know what, i went to see the doctor last night for my terrible tension headache which has been my friend since months ago, without telling anyone. even until now nobody knows. no big deal. and after seeing the gp, i went across the street to the tcm because i got my ankle sprained when hasn’t recover since 5 days ago. got acupuncture and hell, nobody knows about it until i got home with my bandaged feet. no big deal.

seriously, whats the big deal? is it fun to be sick? no! its shameful. that u’r so weak. she has got a problem.

or maybe i do. ha.

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Trance

not dead. not yet. just that recently there’s just too many things going on in my mind that its impossible to type them out in sentence.

 

most of the time, when im on the bike as the pillion, thats when my inspirations come. its like i turn and look around me, everything seems to be in a trance. the trees just go by in a blur, and cars just go by in a blur, its like im the only one clear and looking sharp in the whole world. and it feels good. it feels like there’s nothing else in the world. nothing to worry about. like a continuous dream that you’ll have and never waking up from the trance. and my thoughts just go flowing and flowing. and i’ll be thinking, i should write about this, i should write about them, i should create this entry, but when i get off the bike and reality hits me, i got knocked off and those thoughts never came back again.

 

and then there’s this whole tension in me. in everyone in fact. that when you take a step, you think real hard, real focus. its like this tension thing. it builds up inside. it will kill us all eventually. like reality is too cruel to you and you can’t relax at all. but by the time you’re done with the world, the tension will already be your friend. cruel. pure cruelty.

 

and then its the time. you wish you had more time. but you wish you have less time. the time never stops and it’ll never move forward. time links us all together. if we haven’t got time, we will not be together. sounds like it? time. we’re all facing time crisis. like the arcade game where your enemies are right in front of you with the machine guns pointing on your head and the time is ticking away that the top of the screen and you, its you who have to shoot everyone down. everyone. and you may shoot your friend, and get your marks deducted. but you shoot them. you never stop because the time never stops. you’re running against the time. you’re on your own.

 

well, that’s why i say, when the revolution comes, i will have to kill all of you. maybe, maybe i won’t be sorry about that. its a dog-eat-dog world. everyone will love it.

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