Once A Week

Status: Overwhelmed.

Whoo. Haven’t been writing because it takes me ages to even type a sentence on this iPhone and also work has been overwhelming and also life has been overwhelming too!!

Ahhh. Tuesday today huh? Lost track already. Not that my work has been that busy. In fact it has been quite okay. I spent most of the time today being driven from hospital to hospital doing nothing much and just hoping to bump into doctors.

Oh I went for official appointment with two surgeons on monday. The first one was good. It’s with Mr Ravi, a very recognized God level surgeon who I had worked with previously in CGH. I was so afraid of him that I peed iny dress while I was waiting for him!

The second one didnt go well. Rejected in my face. Guess this is gonna become parts n parcels of my life now huh. Rejections…

Anyway tomorrow is mid week already. Can’t wait because this weekend will be the month-long celebration for my 23rd birthday!!! Wheeee!!! And also, payday this Friday I think.

Well this october is gonna be exciting for me. I hope it’s good. Everybody knows September hasnt been good. And my continuous penniless state is finally coming to an end soon. After I clear all my debts, that is.

The admins ugly people hasn’t been less irritating or less ugly. But I have grown sick of bitching about them. They are not worth that much of dismay.

I want a cat. A pure breed flat faces persian cat. Preferably white or milk or brown color.



For those who can’t see, it’s a small emo-con of praying. Whahaha.

You know I went jogging yesterday and felt so bimbo because I was wearing make up and it’s so stupid because I didn’t realize how important it is to remove make up until I start wiping black colored sweat. Apparently my lousy eyebrow pencil had came off due to the sweat and dripped all over my face. Omg.

Ok tata.

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Damn you old hags!!

Status: Full of rages!

Guess what!! All that speculations about those admin bitches are true!! In total shock ok! Ok not exactly shocked, in fact, pleasantly surprised as now I have a reason to be bitchy.

Well, after some pushings, my philipino friend finally told me the dirty truth about those bitches and how they kept o themselves and are being very mean to her or anybody outside of the group. And how childish they behave.

BUT, they are also backed up by my manager, which kind of suck cus it promotes their activities.

Mmmm. Very good. Well, two can play at that game! Don’t try to be bitchy in front of a 23-to-be please, you are so gonna lose in your face. Cmon!! We are cultured to be bitchy!! Very angry at how they treated my friend, and also!! Even more angry at how they boycotted me making me feel all left out and stupid! Humph.

Seriously! Now I’m not even gonna feel sad that they don’t have any fashion sense at all. Ugly people deserved to be stared and pointed.

Very angry and excited about revenge plan. Been so long since I’ve played Miss Bitch! I mean throughout my years on CGH I’ve been totally Miss Nice in an attempt to fit in. Which by the way, doesn’t pays off well.

Seriously! Those ugly admins need to get a life!! What are they even doing? Playing their little political boring boycotting game in the office?? Gosh. They seriously have got NO LIFE.

Not that I have a total exciting life. But way better than to be planning little petty plots on your new colleagues.

You know yesterday before I left the office, received an email from head-bitch telling us to keep our office hygienic?

It goes:

Dear All,

Please DO NOT throw any unwanted/leftover food into our pantry or office dustbin, as it may ‘invite’ some unfriendly friends….

Kindly dispose it to the black dustbin which placed outside our office.

In order to keep our office clean & green, your co-operations is much appreciated.

Thank you.

I mean, what a bitch!!!! Totally mean and bitch head-bitch who thinks she is the head of the office! Gosh.

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday! Wow this week is fast. Good.

Boss said that we should “hit the road” soon. Meaning, hitting on doors of surgeons and being kick out afterwards. Very anxious about it. I hope I won’t cry. In my 3 years in the theatre, I seldom get screamed at. So totally not trained to be screamed at although everyone thought that I should be used to it already. So not!!

Ok I should sleep soon! Gonna be totally arrogant tomorrow. Humph! Wish me luck! In being a successful bitch 

JVM 102

Big sigh. I think it’s time to say good bye to my beloved BB. Thanks for the lovely time. I’m gonna miss you.

9th December 2009 – 20th September 

I miss having 2 smart phones with me. One hand a Blackberry, another an IPhone. Well, now it’s just me and the iPhone.

I am not having a good time with the stupid office admin ugly people okay. Don’t like them! So ugly and unfriendly. I don’t understand why. Bet they are jealous. Or it’s just their natural instinct to hate girls who are vain.

Can’t wait for new laptop to come. And can’t wait to get out of the office.

It’s fast, tomorrow is already Thursday!

Ok I’m bored and sleepy.

It’s A Monday

Status: In my office, at my empty desk, with nothing to do, not sure what to do.

Monday! Oh now I do feel the Monday blue they feel. Cus of the weekends off. Boohoo. It’s another week again.

Today, I have nothing to do. I don’t know what to do cus my boss is not around at the moment. I’m bored & totally out of place.

Real Pre Monday

Status: Starting to feel the “Monday blues”

Hi all, I’m still here, still alive, still kicking. Been busy with work and meeting up. Kind of an overwhelming week. Feel like I need to drop a gear.

Work is so far so good, except for those ugly admin people there who are truly in their own world. Their own ugly world. It’s ok that I don’t join them. But they are really the ugly office ladies/dudes. Not impressed.

I don’t know what’s my assignment tomorrow. I’m kind of bored of my sitting-infront-of-a-computer assignment already. I’ve been reading up so much I think I read more than what I read in my 3 years of nursing.

Today is the official start of my monthly PMS. I feel blue.

By the way my company gave me a brand new iPhone 4 for my work line. Very excited about it. So far, loving the photo editing apps and the games. But really hating the touch screen.

Hope to get my laptop tomorrow as my desk now is very empty. Too shy to bring things to fill it up.

I can feel my digestive health deteriorating already. I spent the whole if yesterday nursing a cramped up intestine and spent the whole of today in gastric pain. Seriously. I hope my insurance kicks in soon so I can go to the doctors. Too poor to get sick now.

Hope everything is gonna be okay soon.

Just 2 weeks away from my 23rd birthday. I wanna be happy. Sincerely do.

So in the end, we are going Fairmont Hotel! Bigger room and cheaper than MBS !! Thanks to my cousin who is working there. Think it’ll be awesome !!

Haha loving the emoji app!

I should sleep now. 

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The Irish Sandwich Cafe

Status: Waiting for boss to turn up at O’Briens. Smell of delicious sandwich drowning me :(

I’m so sleepy. I hate the morning train crowd. So smelly with disgusting people sticking onto me. Eew :( okay boss is here. Get cracking!

Me _ Ryan Reynolds

Status: Feeling all in love… With Ryan <3

 

Just watched Proposal again. The first time I watch it was on the flight to Melbourne. Damn I miss that. Anyway it’s a really feel-good show. Pretty hot bods, I can never get sick of it. Never get sick of Ryan Reynolds, and also never get sick of Sandra Bullocks. I mean, she’s awesome. Seeing her make out with Ryan feels much better than Scarlett-bitch making out with Ryan.

I know they say that in real life Ryan doesn’t has a good personality, very arrogant and all, but well, I don’t mind. I love him. He is definitely in my Top 10 Most Fuckable List. Okay that’s abit crude. How about a Top 10 Most Wanted Male-on-bed List? Better.

 

Today is Saturday and I’m at home. Yes that’s right. Spent the day watching movies and going to the toilet. Man the stingray last night came out alive.

Anyway, I found my long-lost BFF from Facebook. Actually I bumped into her and her boyfriend at TKC on the eve of Hari Raya and we were all like “AHHHH!! OMG!!!” and hugs+++. That feeling is just great.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I’m again, gonna stay at home. Okay the lack of Mr R in my life has been giving me a lot a lot of me-time. Which is good because I’ll get to reflect a lot. Like today, for instance, I realise what’s my problem and I can address to them.

Also, today I found a sentence which could possibly save my life:

“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not”

Which I did. I allowed my wounds to transform me into this bitter miserable girl. And I am gonna get out of that. I am.

 

A Reason

Status: Very full.

Just came home from supper with the girls. So birthday plans settled:

8th October 2011
2pm @ Marina Bay Sands
Theme: Barbie!
Activities:
– Barbie goes MBS!
– Barbie goes Infinity Pool!
– Barbie goes Dinner!
– Barbie goes Bar!
– Barbie goes Game Playing!
– Barbie goes Breakfast!

Hehehe I’m so excited la!!! Can’t wait!!

My hands are full. Full of unresolvable issues. And I’m not happy about it because I always solve my issues. No outstanding issue has ever remained unsolve.

Anyway, happy Saturday everyone. I’ll be at home slacking for the last time before Monday :)
Monday will be my first day of work. Excited. Must be positive & must be friendly!

Jaded Non-private

Status: Yes jaded.

Non-private because I wrote an entry about “Jaded” that’s private.

Yes I’m so jaded of the situation that I’m in now. And it’s a situation that I’ve been in for the past 1 year & the length of it makes it hard to describe as “situation”, more like my daily-life now. And yes it’s about Mr R & his flying job. It’s been 1 whole year. As much as I try to act like I’m totally okay with it, I’m not. Not at all. We are having a break down currently, yes we are. And I’m at a lost I have no idea what should I do now because I don’t wanna go back to be that crazy bitter psyche girlfriend that I’ve been for the past 1 year yet I don’t wanna lose this relationship.

I don’t know but I’m dragging it out. Buying time. I don’t wanna make any impulsive decision.

Anyway tomorrow I’m making a trip to town to pay that stupid Recruit Express for terminating my contract. I’ve just deposited the cheque* into my bank account & suddenly feel very rich. But how I wish the money will stay there!

*Cheque given by my new company for buying over me

I stayed at home & watch Eat. Pray. Love. It’s not a bad show, just a little too lengthy. The kind of show that you’ll wish will happen on you. It makes me wanna take a trip alone too. To Italy? Yea? Sounds great.

It also make me think. All these time I’ve been totally bitter & sad is because I want everything to be fair. If I give out 50%, I need to get back 50%. But I don’t. Who does? Whoever told you that the world is fair is a beautiful liar.

Of course I’ve always known that nothing is fair in this world. But I always thought it refers to issue like racism, the poor & the rich, nothing as personal as this. But now I do realise it also include stuff like this. Like relationship. So I’m having some difficulty absorbing this truth now.

If you continue to keep count, there will never be the end, you’ll never see the light. When people say the wisest will “Forgive but never forget”, they are wrong. I’ve heard that before & always kept in close to my heart, like a principle, like a prayer that I believed in. But turns out it’s wrong. Not the wisest, it’s the bitterist, the pettiest, the most narrow-minded. What’s the point of forgiving but never forgetting?

That is why until now, until today, I’m still bitter about something that I’ve forgiven, still bitter about something that I’ve not been fairly treated. It’s like you wake up to realise that your entire life philosophy is wrong. And you end up having to change your entire life beliefs, changing the entire system.

I’m so overwhelmed that I’m at shock that I’ve been living my life wrongly.

Okay enough of these depressing issues. I wanna read my book & go to sleep. Just be thankful. And do eat & pray & love.

Jaded Non-private

Status: Yes jaded.

Non-private because I wrote an entry about “Jaded” that’s private.

Yes I’m so jaded of the situation that I’m in now. And it’s a situation that I’ve been in for the past 1 year & the length of it makes it hard to describe as “situation”, more like my daily-life now. And yes it’s about Mr R & his flying job. It’s been 1 whole year. As much as I try to act like I’m totally okay with it, I’m not. Not at all. We are having a break down currently, yes we are. And I’m at a lost I have no idea what should I do now because I don’t wanna go back to be that crazy bitter psyche girlfriend that I’ve been for the past 1 year yet I don’t wanna lose this relationship.

I don’t know but I’m dragging it out. Buying time. I don’t wanna make any impulsive decision.

Anyway tomorrow I’m making a trip to town to pay that stupid Recruit Express for terminating my contract. I’ve just deposited the cheque* into my bank account & suddenly feel very rich. But how I wish the money will stay there!

*Cheque given by my new company for buying over me

I stayed at home & watch Eat. Pray. Love. It’s not a bad show, just a little too lengthy. The kind of show that you’ll wish will happen on you. It makes me wanna take a trip alone too. To Italy? Yea? Sounds great.

It also make me think. All these time I’ve been totally bitter & sad is because I want everything to be fair. If I give out 50%, I need to get back 50%. But I don’t. Who does? Whoever told you that the world is fair is a beautiful liar.

Of course I’ve always known that nothing is fair in this world. But I always thought it refers to issue like racism, the poor & the rich, nothing as personal as this. But now I do realise it also include stuff like this. Like relationship. So I’m having some difficulty absorbing this truth now.

If you continue to keep count, there will never be the end, you’ll never see the light. When people say the wisest will “Forgive but never forget”, they are wrong. I’ve heard that before & always kept in close to my heart, like a principle, like a prayer that I believed in. But turns out it’s wrong. Not the wisest, it’s the bitterist, the pettiest, the most narrow-minded. What’s the point of forgiving but never forgetting?

That is why until now, until today, I’m still bitter about something that I’ve forgiven, still bitter about something that I’ve not been fairly treated. It’s like you wake up to realise that your entire life philosophy is wrong. And you end up having to change your entire life beliefs, changing the entire system.

I’m so overwhelmed that I’m at shock that I’ve been living my life wrongly.

Okay enough of these depressing issues. I wanna read my book & go to sleep. Just be thankful. And do eat & pray & love.

My Wild Sheep Chase

Status: Happily in bed with my “Wild Sheep Chase”.

Finally tracked this book down.

* By the way if any of you don’t know what to buy me for birthday [or refuse to buy a cat for me], one great gift would be Haruki Murakami’s book. My favourite is “The Wild Sheep Chase” [but I just borrowed from the library though], “The End of The World & The Hard-boiled Wonderland”, “Dance Dance Dance”, or actually, just any other of his books but not “Norwegian Wood”, “Kafka on the Shore”, “Blind Willow Sleeping Women”, “South of the Border” [because I have already]. THANK YOU! They are very cheap & I’ll love them very very much! BEST GIFT would be 1Q84!! His new book which will be out in UK on 25th Oct. I’ll pray to you if you get that for me on my birthday. Okay that’s all.

I really do need to start planning for my birthday. I don’t know what to do but I already got a theme. Well everybody knows it’s “Barbie”. Is it gonna be at MBS? Or another Ascott rendevous or perhaps a chalet which I think is too late already.

Okay I think I’ll get the MBS if all the girls are agreeable to it. But also worried about the number of pax they’ll allow into the room. Bet they have tighter security there huh. And what will be the activities other than to swim in that over-rated pool? Dinner? And then just crash in the room & watch DVD? That sounds very Christmas. And when will we wear our Barbie costumes in that case? Mmmm. Shall discuss when I meet the girls.

I’m actually not excited about my birthday this year because I’m so broke that celebration has to be kept at a minimal. Sob.

I’m gonna read to sleep now. Suppose to act like I’m working the entire week. Not good not good.

Okay night peeps ♥

The Story of How I Got Sold

Status: Wheeww. Drama finally over. I feel gooood.

Seriously! Had such a disastrous few days. I can’t even sleep at night.

This is a summary of what’s been going on for the past few days [well, underneath my pretence nonchalant]: I started my new job, quit, terminated the contract, was bought over, signed another contract.

Not off to a good start.

My first day sucks! It sucked so much I wanna die. It sucked so much that I fall sick, literally high fever, the next day. It sucked so much I can’t bring myself to do that again.

Well the job was pretty much what I had expected. Just that well, the doctors suck! You should really hear me describe to you how much they sucked. They are like a total bunch of losers. And the worse thing is my then-mentor had to suck up to them, the losers! Their jokes not funny, their language is stupid, they have got no life at all. Oh how much I despise them despite their professional titles.

I was scolded by the Prof just because I didn’t tuck my hair into the cap properly. Totally publicly humiliated. I was so afraid that I pulled my false eyelashes out & threw them again. That’s $1 I’ll never see again :( And I look so damn ugly the whole day with my ugly all-tucked-hair & naked eyes.

Anyway, good news is I was approached by another company, who offered me a position of “Product Specialist” which was the original position that I was looking for. And the discipline involved is General Surgery which I’ve been trained for 3 years.

And also, they are offering slightly higher pay. And I don’t have to scrub in, meaning, I can have manicures again! Whoohoo! And eyelashes too.

So for my second day, I took MC [because I’m really sick]. On Saturday I went to the new company to discuss about further plans & they offered to buy over my 1 year contract with the previous company.

So ☃☃ hehe I was bought over.

Had a traumatic interaction with the previous company who said that I’m being unprofessional. To which I feel like replying if I’m being unprofessional, I would have quit after 1 month of training, & waste their entire 1 month of training. I did not. I didn’t wanna waste their effort.

Anyway it’s all over!
I’ve signed the contract today, & just deposited the cheque. Life is looking good again ☺

New job starts next Monday.

I can’t believe how many jobs I’ve changed since May. Like 4? Whahaha. Just well this one’s here to stay. Just hope I won’t run again.

Dirrty Little Whorre

Status: Waiting for train at Serangoon.

Gonna collect my paycheck at Style. Kinda awkward to be going back though I left in peace. I don’t wanna be sad going & leaving again.

One thing I learn so far is to be a grown up & face the music whatever it may be. Sort of a “come what may” theory. However hard, however awkward, however difficult the situation may be, just be brave & face a music. You can’t be running away like a kiddo. Be adult about it & face it. It might be better than you think.

Just went to see Dr Chan. Obviously I got scolding again for using “nonsense products”. Whahaha. Love him. I think he is funny. In a very gay way. And I’ve been naughty. Yes I have.

By the way, the title is referring to what I’m wearing today, nothing related to Dr Chan or my character [though I may have done something that might fit that description recently BUT I won’t admit it]. Just that I’m wearing like a whore today. I wore a dress that was meant to be a top. & a blazer over it in style of “just shag Mr Sexy Businessman”.

And I did attempted a centre-parting today for my fringe. Turns out fringe not long enough & end up looking rather stupid. But it’s okay. I’m sexy enough. People don’t look at my face, they look at my legs. Whahaa.

Okay gonna collect my pathetic paycheck now. Wait a minute, is it payCHEQUE or payCHECK? Whatever. It’s pathetic.

**Oh oh! Read 8 Days & decided to adopt Nicole Kidman’s diet plan – 3 hard-boiled eggs per day – which sounds like a brilliant plan! Can totallyyyy live with 3 eggs a day. Write more about it later.

Nos.. How do you spell that?

Nostalgic.

I’m in a foreign neighbourhood at Lorong Ah Soo, searching for an ATM machine. Walking round & round. And the rain starts falling. It’s drizzling. And the wind is strong. Bringing the scene of rain to me. Suddenly Jay Chou’s old song started playing in my iPod. All happened within few seconds.

I stop in my track. And I was all, mmmmmm. This feeling is so indescribable. So strange.

Suddenly we are all grown up. 10 years. Just yesterday we were playing basketball opposite Ivy’s house. We were just in school fooling around. I was just with JL kissing by the staircase.

Seriously, suddenly, we are all working, in blazer, heels, make up, eyelash, with boyfriends that we make out with, driving car, going clubbing. We are so grown up. I feel so sad. I miss those times when we were still young & innocent & everything meant nothing yet everything to us.

And then the track ends, the next song came on. It’s some clubbing song, instantly bringing every back to where I am, here in this neighbourhood searching for ATM machine.

I gave up & took the bus.

Everything seems so real yet unreal. Everything still meant nothing yet everything to us. Nothing yet everything.

Okay have a great Monday.

Title Page

Status: On my bed. Being unhappy about all the outstanding issues.

OUTSTANDING ISSUE:

– Job
– Money [should resolve end of Sep]
– Pimples [unable to resolve. VERY outstanding]
– Fatness [unable to resolve but acceptable]
– Issue with Mr R [not my fault. Ball’s in his court]

Okay. That sums up everything that’s been going on in my life currently. Within this week, I’m gonna settle job, pimples & Mr R. Okay that settles.

Love my Sundays at home. Watched a couple of movies, ate my all-time-favourite Fish & Chips. Drank my Coke. Today is a lazy day.

Fighting a battle tomorrow. Wish me luck ♥

Currently I feel ugly. Mainly cus of the pimples. And also, well, I need a new look! I’m so bored already.

So I’m thinking brown hair, I’m thinking long fringe, I’m thinking centre-parting, I’m thinking hair straightening, I’m think parallel double-eyelids, I’m thinking extended lower eyelash, I’m thinking thick bushy straight eyebrows.

Well that settles. Time will heal my ugliness.

My diet plan isn’t working, mainly because I DON’T HAVE ONE. How am I suppose to diet? Can’t picture myself doing that. So instead, I went on to think about my replies to people who asked me to lose weight.

Reply 1: Lose weight? I just lost 10kg due to gastric ulcer! My doctor say if I lose some more weight she’s gonna put me on weight gainer already!

Reply 2: Lose weight? I finally gained 5kg & now you want me to lose it? No way!

Reply 3: Lose weight? My doctor say if I lose some more weight I’m gonna die.

And I’m out. Ultimate motive is to embarrass the person who ask me to lose weight. Put him/her in shame for asking me to lose weight. And also put out the message that I’m too thin already thus reflecting confidence in self & portraying a very good self-image. How you look at yourself will be how people are gonna look at you. Mmmm. Must think of more replies before CNY next year.

Must build up self-confidence & positive self-image. BUT must not be ugly & fat yet be all confident about self. That’s just plain disgusting. How confidence works is very easy:

0 – Very very very horribly ugly
100 – Very very very outstandingly pretty

If you are about 50, a good dose of confidence will boost you up to a 70.

However if you are 30 & below, any amount of confidence might actually risk bringing you down to a big fat ugly 0. [I think we can all learn this from a certain Am**da going SQ interview incident]

40 is a dangerous territory. Neither here nor there. Then that’s best to be yourself & just a dose of confidence.

80 & above, no need for confidence. If you are that pretty you pretty much have everything your way already.

I must say I’ve received so many comments from people [ranging from people who know me on the first name basis to my actual close friends] that I portray a high amount of confidence. That’s a good thing? I think? Well people who know me deep down will know that I’m someone with ZERO confidence. I do. So that’s something that I should be working. Maintaining my pretence confidence, and boosting my actual real confidence.

I feel that the key would be a good self-image. I strongly feel that if lesser people were to come up to me & tell me that I should lose weight or that I’ll look prettier if I do lose weight [I always get this after replying people that I think I look fabulous enough] I will definitely have a better self-image. I mean, currently, obviously people think that I’m fat which in turn lead me to believe that I AM fat when initially, I didn’t think that way. So point is to ignore all messages sent to me, & promote healthy self-image.

Mmmmm.

***

Well life has never been this unstable. I gotta say it’s a brand new experience for me.
Need to sleep now as big war tomorrow.

This time I really do need all the luck in the world.

Good night ♥

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