Miserably Sickkkk

Oh fuck. Seriously sick at the wrong time. Here is why:

1) It’s the end of the year! That’s totally for celebration!

2) It’s Wednesday. Mid week! How can I achieve TGIF if I’m sick!

3) Its payday today! I’m suppose to be out having well-deserved sumptuous dinner and not be on my bed :(

4) It’s unreasonable to be sick. I’ve always been healthy how can I be sick.

Aww man. Such a turn off. I woke up with a horrible sore throat and horrible fever and body aches. Seriously miserable. But I still manage to went to work. See, professionalism again.

REHYDRATE

[post written on 27th but forgot to post]

Oh gosh I’ve been drinking so much this weekend and retching so much that my body is becoming so dehydrated.
And of course, all the unhealthy food. I’m so hungry and I wanna order delicious food but I haven’t got any cash. So I’m sneaking around the house searching for cash.

Okay here, check out my friend’s new blogshop selling Benefit’s Make up at awesome prices:

http://www.benefitmakeup.livejournal.com

Engagement <3

I feel blue.
I just received a call from a dear old friend inviting me to her engagement in 1st Jan. I feel so incredibly happy for her. But also, I feel incredibly sad for myself. I was 2 years ahead of her relationship. But when we met in Cgh, we would always talk about our guys, about the weddings, about the stories, about how we met them etc. And we would be looking so forward to the arrival of this day.

For the past 3 years, I saw how they overcame all the problems, they had a rocky path but an escalating one. One that was moving forward, one that was promising. Whereas me, I fell out. It was getting rockier and rockier, there were ups and downs. We didn’t move on, we got stuck, we just not moving at all. Until finally we are here, apart.

Well I’m truly glad for them that they made it. But they also reminded me very much of what we could have been. Really, what we could have been.

Can’t wait for her engagement. It’ll be my first friend’s engagement that I’ll be going. I’m truly happy for her. I know she found an awesome husband that she can entrust her life with. He is a great guy. A really awesome guy. Couldn’t be more relieved to know that he will take care of her for the rest of her life.

Well at least one of us made it :)

Red Eyed

Damn I took my first MC today. Aww. Sad. First time feeling so sad that I took MC. But it was bad. So bad that I can’t even open my eyes this morning and dropping eye drops made me cry. But anyway, even though off sick, I’m still replying emails, reading up stuff my boss send me and doing some work from home. See, professionalism.

Apparently, my doctor says it’s due to the Accutane that I’m taking that causes all these dry-eyes and thus the abrasions and discomfort. And she says there’s nothing much that I can do except to either no wear lenses anymore until off medication, or hourly drops while on lenses.

I’m gonna go with the latter. Can’t imagine having zero sales for the next few months. Specs, too ugly.

Anyway my doctor actually advise me if I’m not taking contraceptive pills  then I should take other forms of contraception to which I sadly replied that it’s okay I don’t need any form of contraception because I just broke up with my boyfriend *sobs!

 

******

 

I seriously hate chinese guys. WHY ARE THEY SOOO OBSESSED WITH LOOKS AND WEIGHT AND HEIGHT?

I can tell you, all of them are superficial. I haven’t dated many chinese guys before (BECAUSE I USUALLY END UP IGORING THEM AFTER THE FIRST FEW INTERACTIONS) but those that I’ve talked with usually turn me off.

Their first few questions are usually very “innocent”, just asking oh what’s your job oh how old are you oh what you doing now etc. But soon, they will slowly starting showing their true self and asking more detail questions or you know, talking in a way that wants you to answer them some questions.

I recently had one encounter where the guy did his usual innocence , and then started asking questions like

“oh your friend looks so tall. What’s your height? Is it your friend really so tall?”

or a

“oh how come you look so different with specs?”

 

TOTALLY TURN OFF CAN. What’s with all the personal appearance related questions? How tall am I is none of your business and wtf how I look in my specs is none of your business too.

I mean, who gives such comments? Are we still in the IRC world where we talk about

“hi intro?”, “16/f”, “ht/wt?”, “attached? or single?” ETC BULLSHIT.

I mean, being so into looks and physical appearance is just so outdated and seriously so IRC. Who talks like that now? I thought being 23 is already quite grown up and we do not look for people and make friends with people judging merely on physical looks. But what do I know? Turns out being 25, 26, 27, 28 or even 29, people still make friends based on these simple superficial rules.

Oh maybe he did try to hide it.

How am I suppose to answer a question like “how come you look so different in specs?”

“Oh because when I wear a specs, I become a guy.”

??@$&%^*&$&$

 

Okay seirously turned off by these superficial beings.

I usually don’t approve friend-requests from strangers (ESP CHINESE GUYS) but I thought it’s been so long since I’m in this “single-game” I thought maybe I need a change and give these guys a chance. BUT WTH, SCREW YOU. They haven’t change a bit.

 

That’s why I am always against chinese guys. They are too superficial. I mean almost 8 out of 10 of the chinese guys are superficial, EVEN THOUGH THEY LOOK LIKE SHIT THEMSELVES. Strange world seriously.

 

And well, all those who laugh and say that I’m fat (like weibin) are all chinese too. You don’t see any malays posting on my wall to say that I’m fat and ugly that kind of mean things. I don’t know. It’s not that I’m against chinese guys, it’s just that there haven’t been nice to me. Haha.

 

Okay maybe other races are the same too. But well, I don’t know.

******

 

Anyway, due to the eye infections, I have to remove my eyelash. I don’t like to tell people that I have eye infections and then having them telling me that “oh it’s your eyelash!”.

Okay I’m ego in that way. Don’t say it’s my lenses too because I’ve been wearing lenses for like 10 years and I think I know how to take care of them.

IT’S MY MEDICATION. And don’t tell me that I shouldn’t be taking that kind of medication.

 

TRY HAVING ADULT ACNE AND TELL ME HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT.

I’ll be willing to try anything even if having to drink virgin pee if that’s a sure fire way!

 

******

 

Oh I had some seriously strange dream.

I dream that God, impersonated as a girl (but somehow in my dream I know that she is God), told me to give him another chance and forgive him.

Obviously it freaked me out when I woke up! God leh! How many chance do we get to dream of God, some more give me advice leh! Oh freak! Why not give me 4 numbers!
But very very sadly this advice is not one that I can heed. I mean, if it’s a dream that God ask me to give up drinking, or warn me of some mishap, or advice me to cut my hair, I will seriously consider it!

But well, this, this is so different! How can God ask me to forgive him? Totally didn’t get a chance to ask God why make me fall in love with such a jerk and then break my heart 4 times. Totally should ask. Doesn’t God wants me to be happy?

Or is God hinting that I will never find another guy again and I should forgive him or end up an old maid? SHIT. TOTALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS WHEN I WAS TELLING IT TO VAL.

It’s a bad dream. Seriously how many of us ever dream of God?? This is so bad. Should have just given me 4 numbers :(

 

Mommy going away this weekend to KL and just now when I was in her room, she talked to me in her sweetest tone possible “when mommy is away, you must…” thought she was gonna say “take care of yourself and be strong” BUT NO. It’s “vacuum the floor hor!”

-.-!! Okay speechless and so hurt *sobs sobs.

Yes Yasmin

Ahhhh. Busy day today. Even busier tmr. Ahhhh. All due to the workshop in Sgh.

I think I might be falling sick. The weather is crazy! How can anyone not fall sick in such weather. Is it having PMS or something?? Like so mood-swingy and totally fickle minded. I’m so tortured by it.

Ive been under the weather lately, mostly due to my emotional health (there has been a report saying that heartaches actually causes the same stimulation in the brain as of a physical pain), and also the PILL.

This is my second month in the pill. I started it to aid in my acne break out and so far it has done more than that.

Previously I was on Diane 35, another kind of pill which was supposed to be better for acne but totally failed on me. Nothing improve except for my appetite!

This time I took Yasmin, and well it gives me really bigger boobs, but slightly tender, and also a deceased appetite, but nausea, and also better mood, but I don’t know if that’s really the pill doing the magic.

Although its a contraceptive pill, it actually make me feel like I’m pregnant. It’s like I’m nausea all the time and I get big boobies as if producing milk!

And then the cold weather has been giving me headache and like very bad sinuses. My nose is blocked and drippy. All I wanna do is lie on my bed and hide under the blanket.

But i can’t cause I need to fucking work. Damn.

Oh yes tomorrow is Friday. I’m not quite feeling it yet but it’ll come.

(WTF MY SIS JUST TOTALLY IRRITATING FREAKED OUT CUS OF A DAMN COCKROACH. LIKE FUCKING CHILDISH AND ATTENTION SEEKING CAN! STOP BEHAVING LIKE A CHILD YOU FREAK.)

Night night.

Your White Angel

Oh God. I may just be the lousiest nurse on earth. What kinda nurse doesn’t know how to inject IV? I’m embarrassed to death. I’m so ashamed of myself.

While all the noobie student nurses are studying, what was I doing?

Tapping my card and then leaving my bag in the lecture hall and then going out to hang around at the smoking corner luring for handsome dudes, perfecting my “hey do you have a lighter?” approach to guys, “accidentally” bumping onto guys, taking ugly epic photos of friends ETC.

And when we’ve all graduated, while all the caring nurses are serving bedpans, serving medication, giving injections, diluting IVs, administering IVs, I was in the theatre playing with instruments, scrubbing for laparotomy, laparoscopic cases, opening up stomachs, getting out cancerous organs, or else I’ll be like kicking flirtatiously with surgeons ETC.

While everyone was being caring and angelic, I was assisting in operations. While some may say that that is actually even more difficult and specialised, I say that Im actually throwing away all my basic nursing skills.

Oh gosh I don’t even possess the basic minimum nursing skill. I can’t even inject an IV!

So what if I’m a good scrub nurse and I can pass the right instrument? Nobody respects a nurse with no basic nursing skill. Nobody would care if I can recite the entire list of instruments needed for a laparotomy. But people care when I can’t even inject IV.

All that led me to today’s disaster.

BOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!

I’m totally depressed now. I’m supposed to be writing about something else but well! Too depressed to care abt other things now.

I’m a lousy lousy lousy nurse and I don’t think I deserve to hold that license!

Grapes

I had a wonderful day in my office spilling coffee all over my desk and some of my products and of course, the carpets.

Well the admins are not gonna be happy about it knowing how important “office hygiene” is to them and how “no food allowed in rubbish bin as it will attract pests” (like wtf? Where am I suppose to throw my leftover food then?!) is the number 1 Office Rule.

I cleaned it like 10 times ok. And I won’t be going back to my office until probably next week. I should think I’m safe unless I get a WARNING email from them or perhaps they just want my desk to rot along with me and decide to ignore the ants and cockroaches infesting my desk.

Its kinda funny because i spill the coffee right after I send the message “I’m so damn bored” to Val. Like seriously fml. I’m sorry that I said I’m bored :(

And then I went Mt Elizabeth today just to send an invoice. It just didn’t occur to me that Mt Elizabeth is in town and I was wearing my ugliest & cheapest outfit. It was a total walk-of-shame down the Orchard Road. I feel so sad.

So to say today wasn’t a good day.

Anyways… Feeling totally sick as Workshop starts tomorrow and I need to wake up at 7am tomorrow and also for the next few days. I’m so dead. Oh well.

Oh and funny thing, this morning I woke up to a “follow” from @Yongkexin but when I tried searching for her, SHE’S GONE!
Miss Yong what’s uppp??

Okay good night. I think Mom is angry with him. I felt bad for telling her the actual truth :( Oh shitsss.

Freshy

Phew. Felt so good telling the girls. Felt great to know that I have so many of them backing me up. Yea friends are the best indeed.

The only thing is I’m praying that I will never bump into him with a new girl ever. Really really pray that I’ll never ever. Guess that’s really quite the worst nightmare.

I’m gonna sleep now since I need to go back to office tomorrow morning. Which mean waking up at 7am and reaching by 9am. Booo.

I don’t know why I got a little depressive after sharing with the girls. Perhaps cus I don’t need to put up that brave front anymore. And I just wanna indulge in the misery business.

Which is not good so I’m just gonna sleep.

Shit you Monday

Ahhh it’s the time of the week again.
Monday!

I’m in Sgh waiting to see the doctor from the longest time.

And I have 2 hospitals to go to after this.

Having slight headache, which must be from the Monday blues.

And damn the banglas started drilling their damn walls early this morning. It’s like omg too much! They disturbed my entire Saturday morning and now for the rest of the week too. I’m getting depressed. I really don’t need that lift you know!

Ok need to think positive and need to have good energy.

Cats & Dogs

Ahh it’s raining. AWESOME. I love this weather especially when I’m at home :)

Today’s task would be to cook SPAGHETTI. Not because I’m in the mood to do so but because I bought the sauce long time ago and it’s gonna expire soon.

Sunday spent at home with Bridget Jones and chocolate. Best time of my life.

 

Just realised I’m officially a Bridget Jones! Gasp. And I’m gonna find my Mark Darcy. I might be meeting a few more Daniel Cleaver but I will find my Mark Darcy :)

 

 

Big Jet Phankkkk

 

She said, hello mister
Pleased to meet ya
I wanna hold her
I wanna kiss her
She smelled of daisies
She smelled of daisies
She drive me crazy
She drive me crazy

Sunny Night

I guess it takes more than what I thought to survive this. I thought I was being pretty tough and determined. But when you are alone in a night like this, your exterior tends to come off a little.

Told Mom the news just now in the mid of grocery shopping. She was very supportive but I guess she felt sad too. For me. She kept mentioning him and asking about him these few days. She must have sensed something too.

I guess everybody’s initial reaction is gonna be like “for real?”. Cus we’ve had this game so many times. It’s hard to believe it, even for myself.

I need to be much tougher. Much tougher.

On a happier note, I’m actually really loving this christmassy feel and really looking forward to this year’s Christmas celebration! This is something that I couldn’t do last year. It was all gloomy and really faking a smiley front. This year, I anticipated it would be more or less the same, judging from the similar circumstances. But oh well, apparently I’m much better this year and I’m actually really soaking myself through this festive season! Just walking down the Christmas fair they are having in Paragon got me excited and very joyous already. I think I’m good to go.

And what’s more! This year’s festive season is really a continuation from Christmas to new year to Chinese new year! Thats a whole lot of festivities :)

This weekend im hanging at home due to very bad financial status. You don’t wanna know how much I’m left with! But it’s alright cus I’m actually quite tired.

Oh I went JB with Val n Char (+1 friend) for KTV last night. It was better than expected. And a whole lot cheaper than Sg! But I’m glad we are all safe! Never think I would survive a 3am-in-jb situation! But had no idea how we came back as I don’t remember passing by the customs. Fell a deep sleep.

I’m gonna watch tv, eat chocolate, eat ice cream, and head to sleep.

It’s a blissful Saturday at home and I should be glad that I did manage to wake up from the mess that I’ve been living in.

Pissed!

Waa mad piss with wordpress for iPhone! Just crashed after I’ve type like a long entry!!!

Gonna go read and sleep now! Pissssss!

Me and Her

Whoa, just read through a whole lot of my own entries dated all the way back to one year ago and damn am I naggy. I sure do talk a lot! Every entry is filled with words, it’s like there’s a minimal words that I need to hit. But damn, I’m good. Nowadays, my entries are all short sentences. It’s like I suddenly forgot how to speak my own language or that I lost a voice.

 

I know there are so many different blogging style. Some just wanna show pictures, fabulous pictures, some just highlight the event, some just wanna show off what they’ve got, some just wanna highlight the high-time of their life, some just wanna conceal themselves, some just wanna sincerely share about thoughts, some just wanna complain the fuck out of themselves, some just wanna crap.
I think my style is more like, I just wanna talk and say what’s on my mind.

This used to be a private blog where I kept it a secret for few months before sharing with my closest friends. I mean to me, it’s just me talking to myself. I don’t think anyone will be interested to read anyway. Only recently that I feel that having sustain this blog for so long (almost 2!), I should deem it as an achievement that I decided to “declare” it on my FB profile page.

But I must admit that my entries are getting lesser and shorter. Bad. I think it’s just that life itself has been rather bumpy for me this year that I lack the amusement or the highlights to my life. I think it’s really unfair for me.

Well, having said so much, I just wanna spell out every of my thoughts.

  • Instagram: @candeely

    Fun-filled weekend celebration for the birthday boy who got so drunk. Happy birthday my 30 year old husband! 🎈 ♡ Walking the dog and eating ice cream, that's my kind of multitasking. 🍷🍷 thank you for the awesome friendship♡ missing @intercostalspaces #三缺一 #teamshaded vs #teamsunburntobe Perfect weather for a frozen margarita #HOLIDAY #FINALLY #STILLINSGTHOUGH This is how we're spending our Sunday morning..... AS A TEAM! #MedtronicKOM2017 Blackjack under going intensive NS training. #leopardcrawl #sgboys Maybe he can audition for ABTM4🤔 Happy dogs happy friends👯‍♀️#blackjackbeingtooblackagain
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