Over my Head

At the end of every ENT case, I’ll be overwhelmed by this sadness. This sadness which cannot be explained. Its a fight between feeling disappointed and hatred for this team. I’m not saying I don’t like ENT. In fact, I do. But it is so hard to connect and communicate between us. Like its impossible to have a good working relationship with them. I don’t know is it me or is it them.

Maybe its me. Its me being too prideful, that starting allover again, and having people to teach me basics again, is too embarrassing for me to take. That I’m so used to GS that I don’t want to adapt to new environment. That I’m too stubborn. I don’t know but I don’t feel good about it.

I don’t miss GS very very much. Just so-so. So I can’t seem to find what’s the problem. Well, hang in there you’ll say.

Mid-Week Isolation

Wednesday will be over in about 1 hour’s time. So let’s get ready to welcome the weekend. Just another Thursday, a day which I perceive as an ‘awkward day’. Its not an official weekday, but yet its not yet weekend. Hah.

Anyway, tomorrow I’ll be going for Hananey’s sis-in-law’s Bachelorette Night. Feel strange going there. Feel out of place actually.

Haven’t been feeling good lately. Its all a minute of frustration, a minute of fun. I don’t know what’s wrong but everyone is wrong to me! Its like I find fault with everyone. You know I often felt that there’s this ability in me where I am able to understand person’s character inside-out. So much that I begin to hate a person because I know what she is like, what she is thinking. Its not healthy. Its not good. Its always better to live in ignorance. You know nothing, and nothing will bother you.

Its like getting more worse especially when I’m having a bad bad mood and their characters just come crashing on my mind. And I’ll be even more frustrated and disgusted and angry. God what’s wrong with me? I’d rather live in ignorance that everyone is angel.

And then I’m afraid to know people, to understand friends or get closer to people. And I want everyone to remain just as acquaintance because I don’t want to know them and start hating them. Is it better to have no true friends but have got like hundred ‘friends’ that you hate. I don’t wanna do this, please. Stop letting me see through people. I don’t wanna hate anyone the way I do now. I don’t wanna analyse anymore. It sucks to have friends who piss you off constantly.

Sigh, till next time then. Hopefully, I’ll be feeling better already. Cannot stand moodiness of any kind.

Soft-Spoken

Wheeeeee! Its Saturday! Yay! Its my off-day! Finally! I can sleep till 12noon.

Work has been okay this week. Emotions have been manageable. Bit bored of my life though. Kind of no-life. Supposed to club today but got cancelled last minute. So there goes my crazy fun weekend.

Alright. Lost my inspirations. Next time then.

Run For My Life?

Ha, had my first jog in yearsssss today. Did not feel that what god damn good-feeling-adrenaline-rush etc etc. I almost forgot how much I hate running! How tiring it is! And how my lung feels like they’re gonna explode! No no no, not my preferred choice of sports definitely. And my legs ache so much now! I almost, almost forgot how much I can’t run. My imagination over estimated me. Damn.

Anyway, today is only tuesday. Not that I’m counting down. But just a thought. Weekend is taking forever to come.

Had a big fight with him last night because of silly yet huge issue. And you know, one thing I’ll never want him to change is how he’ll always try to patch things up in the end. That’s how my guy should be;) hah.

I’m off to sleep. Officially tired and cramped. Till next time.

You Filthy Animals

You know, I will not feel upset or get sensitive about anything you say anymore. You’re just a worthless creature who is out to get me. I’m not gonna be bothered by you. In fact, by anyone who wants to get me down. I will not. Look, this place sucks because of all of you hell filthy animals. And I’m gonna pack up and go once my bond is finish. You so just this horrible negative force. Much like gravity, except with much more cruel force that’s aimed to kill and its not beneficial at all. You are just jealous. Of whatever, I don’t know and I don’t wish to explore. All I know is when you try to make me sad, when you try to get ahead of me, I’ll not give a fucking damn anymore because its just not worth it. I don’t hate you I just wanna steer clear of you. I can’t handle so much. And you should get a life and stop commenting about me. I hate it. Its one thing that I can’t stand people doing: butting into my life, my make-up, my dressing, my hair, my work, my decisions etc. I will not let you affect me anymore. And I promise myself this.

Filthy filthy filthy.

The Hooded Creature

I’m infected. I’m deeply infected. My body is not listening to me! Its not responding to me.

I was feeling totally totally depressed today. But once I put down that phone, peacefulness swept all over me. Like this huge hooded creature left me. Its detached from deep within me. God save me!

I’m damned.

Defeated

Today is a Saturday. Not a beautiful one cus it’s raining outside now. Great excuse to not jogging:)

Its so boring. Nothing is good today. Watching Kim Samsoon at home whole day. Tomorrow will be another boring day too. Work in the morning and nothing else after that.

Why why why do I lead such a boring life. I just need more free friends. Friends who have boyfriends as busy as mine. Friends who don’t have so many homework assignments etc etc.

I hate doing this. I hate you.

That Same Girl

Guess what? I’m watching My Lovely Samsoon again. Haha. Been dying to watch it seen forever. And its still as good. Seeing her makes me wanna ditch my diet plans. What’s so bad about being fat? She looks good and decent what. What’s wrong?

Anyway, the world is that corrupted. You can’t win no matter what.

Did my first ENT case today. Little did I know that ENT actually does consist of Ear Nose Throat separately. Its like 3 separate discipline.

And I have a new dream. I really want dimples damn it! Why does my sister gets it free, all 4! But I fucking got none. And now I really want. So I will go for it. I hope its cheap though. I hope ‘somebody’ will give it to me for free.

Alright. Till next time then.

I’m A Teenage Girl

… *poking fingers*

Awww man I’m soooo infatuated. I think this will be the death of me. God.

When They Cry

Not feeling good again. Feel unhappy about everything again. Aw. Hate this feeling. Maybe I’m just tired. Unable to do whatever I wanna do.

Totally crazy and suspicious and not trusting and insecure again. God this can literally kill me off.

Anyway, this is my first day in ENT. Stressed my off. God. How will I ever understand that scope? Gosh. I don’t know what they’re doing most of the times. And I miss GS so much. Miss being so familiar with everything and everyone. Sigh.

You know, I think I’ll take it slow~ Real slow.

Kk till next time then.

My Day

Ok so I took MC today;) hee. Yay. Feeling bad but well, too bad. I need to see doctor later. I don’t know why am I feeling sooo tired recently. Its like I need 12hrs of sleep everyday. I hate this. I hate needing to sleep so badly. I don’t know is it about my pillow, or my bed or what. Just don’t feel good.

Need to see doctor later and I hate it. Hate faking MC. How can I dress up nicely and go see a doctor.

Ok till next time.

Debate

Ok here comes the ever-on-going debate again: whether to take MC or not. Everytime when I wanna take MC, these ‘Angels’ and ‘Devils’ will come out and give their opinion. Its almost impossible to do it. Damn!

Anyway, maybe I won’t care so much. I still have 10 days of mc available. And 3 days of fcl. 2 days of urgent leaves. I don’t know what’s holding me back. I guess I’m just guilty. So guilty of faking it.

Well, I’ll just call in later and decide tmr. I am not a good girl. Whatever!

Great that this app is working again!:)

Persistant Raining

Oh god oh god. This is sooo bad. It’s like a combination of pms and post-holiday-blue. Oh god and I’m so missing everything and sooo dreading to go work! How worse can this get?

I’m hate it sooo much. And he is so busy and have no time for me at all. I hate this. I hate to be this needy girl but can’t help it.

So I’m watching my therapy again. Friends. I hope it still works.

Sigh. Ok I’m trying to get up myself. Thinking about who to meet since my first choice isn’t free for me. And who would really cheer me up. I’m fine. Really very fine.

Just try not to think about work and the holidays. And maybe will try to get up and do the photos.

Cry Myself

I cried. I cried today. I cried like a baby missing her pillow. I cried like a stupid girl. I feel so sad.

It’s the second time I cried this week. First was when I burn myself. And now this. Such a cry-baby.

I’ll miss him. One week. And maybe even longer. Sometimes we can go for 2 weeks or longer. But this time feels different.

Oh my god. I’m so sad. I miss him.

Back to Hell

Sighhhhh.. I’m back. Back from my lovely holiday. Hate this feeling. Hate hate hate this post-holiday-blue.

And worse, next week I’m on night with the worst people ever. I’m so deaddddddd. And I feel sooo lonely and bored now. So sad and blue.

Anyway, I need to pull myself up again. Its like a cycle I need to go through every time I go travelling. So the best is going away and not needed to come back to this death.

Alright.

  • Instagram: @candeely

    Welcoming the mommy back to the world of alcohol 🍷 Fun-filled weekend celebration for the birthday boy who got so drunk. Happy birthday my 30 year old husband! 🎈 ♡ Walking the dog and eating ice cream, that's my kind of multitasking. 🍷🍷 thank you for the awesome friendship♡ missing @intercostalspaces #三缺一 #teamshaded vs #teamsunburntobe Perfect weather for a frozen margarita #HOLIDAY #FINALLY #STILLINSGTHOUGH This is how we're spending our Sunday morning..... AS A TEAM! #MedtronicKOM2017 Blackjack under going intensive NS training. #leopardcrawl #sgboys Maybe he can audition for ABTM4🤔
  • Twitter: @candeely

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