Uploaded

Uploading photos of Taiwan trip on FB. Really lazy. And personally, I don’t really enjoy looking at other people’s overseas photos because it can be quite boring. As in, if it’s not the scenery, it’s just the people. So I can be rather inpatient. And thus I do not enjoy uploading such photos too. I prefer uploading little shots taken just from our daily life. Much more interesting and fun to look at. Yup.

 

Anyway, it’s just about 4 days away from CNY. I’m feeling okay. Not as excited as when I’m a kid, and no new clothes this year, so… Much less excitement. Oh but new heels :)

 

Tonight’s our annual CNY Reunion Dinner. I hope everyone can make it. And no last minute cancellation. And hope the rain stops soon. I don’t like this coldness. Makes me feel sad and lonely in such weather.

 

I’m job hunting. Wish me luck omg. Never ever had to job hunt before. This is all new and devastating for me.

 

And it’s still raining! Gosh. What am I gonna do now?

Almost There.. TGIF

I survived! Straight 5 days work. Yes. I did not take any MC this week. I’m so proud of myself. Tomorrow is the last day and I’m so tempted to take MC because I can already foresee how hectic the EOT will be and if I go, I need to be ready to die. But I’ll be there. Damn the promotion.

I’m still feeling blue. More like greyish blue. And this weekend, though weekend, but not much planned. It’s a spring-cleaning weekend. I’m on the verge of tearing down my cupboard & dumping everything away. It’s so packed & messy, I’m having anxiety-attacks. But I’m tolerating so when I’m done with the cleaning, the feeling would be orgasmic. Whoooo can’t wait. And changing of mattress, in short, cleaning up of my entire room except for my sis’s stuff. I’ve got tomorrow night & Sunday to do it.

I’m surviving you know. I’m surviving. I’m building, I’m building. I’m protecting, I’m protecting. But I’m crumbling, I know I’m crumbling. And I got nothing for me, nothing for me. I wanna live, & let live. Seize the moment. I wanna forget about every single tiny worries. I wanna isolate myself from every potential emotional damage. I wanna isolate myself from everyone, everyone in my life, because I have emotional relationships with everyone. And I don’t want that.

I kinda hate my character. I’m going through a phase where I feel that I have a black black evil heart. And I don’t like that kind of feeling. I don’t feel good about myself, I don’t feel confident about my judgement, and I’m not supportive of myself. That I feel like even me myself feel that I’m wrong. You know? Like I have a black heart. Maybe I do have a black heart. I should join a religion & start cleaning my black heart. Ugh.

Tgif. Tgif. But I’ll wait for 5pm tomorrow.

I’m all me. I’m all I have. I’m all absorbing every little piece of me. I’m all meeee. It’s all about me. And I want it to be all about me.

I’m crazy.

xoxo

Cus We Are… Free

 

I know you wanna live your life right.

Ringtone of the moment. Hehehe.

I’m Not My Hair

3:30am. Still up, looking through pictures and doing some miscellaneous stuff.

Oh did I mention? I took another 2 days MC. Yup. Total of 5 days. Grand total of 6 days since 1st Jan. I am the queen. Not proud of it. I’m ashamed, in fact. Someone who loves her job wouldn’t do that. I’m ashamed that I hate my job this much. And the more I take, the more I wanna take again. It’s a vicious cycle but I’m breaking it after this week. Promise.

I am totally in a trance now. I am not sure where am I, what am I doing, and what am I gonna do. Totally messed up. I’ve sent out a few emails. I’m desperately praying. Pray pray pray. I got a reason to pray (by the way, it’s a lyrics from The Killer’s).

Okay, big wedding tomorrow at Four Seasons. Hollywood Glam. Awesome. By the way, quote me:

“Had enough of boring weddings. Wedding should be a celebration of the love and union. Not the funeral of single-hood”

That would be my company’s line. Hahaha. If I ever ever manage to set up my own company.

I am gonna sleep now.

I’m in the mixture of tired, dreadful, afraid, fear, sadness, curious, weak, strong, guilt etc. I am not my hairrrr.

Oh oh, and I’m wearing my new Steve Madden tomorrow! Excited.

Hate it when you are back, hate it when you are gone. Hate you, in short.

Love from Milan

 

My favorite gifts among all the boots, shoes, jackets, bags etc that he got for me. So cheesy but it worked.

A Reason To Pray

Going to work now after a long long break. Think it’s about 12 days of leave. I’m dreading but yet I know I have to go.

I came across this article recently about relationship. It says that a relationship dangerous period would be on their second year, where the honeymoon ends, on their fourth year, where it starts to question everything, and on the seventh year, where you get bored. Very true. I’m at the fourth year stage. But the article also says that after the fourth year, it becomes family. Which is almost impossible to leave that person. Cus it’s family already. You think of him like a family.

Anyway, gonna work now. Bye. Stop thinking.

McDreamy

Guilty as charged.

Been back in sunny island since Monday AM and I’m not feeling too good. Down with flu etc & took a 3 days MC. I’m a bad person. But! So did lyn! Best bud for life. Took 3 days MC each :) Both super reluctant to go back to work and both on the verge of breaking our bonds. Just can’t part with the money.

Been at home watching Mcdreamy whole day long when I should have been looking for jobs, doing homework for Friday’s wedding etc. I’m actually damn lazy. But couching in front of my com more than 12 hours resulted in massive migraine. So I’m off to bed soon.

Coming up will be the massive CNY specials. Shopping, reunion dinner, visitings, mj session. Oh and a Hollywood-themed wedding this Friday at Four Seasons. Then would be job interviews (praying hard there will at least be a chance of interview!) And then my final sweet tendering of resignation. Whatever happens after April, is none of my business for now. I’m leaving it to God (or my emotions).

Speaking of emotions, I’m very tired of handling anymore of my emotions so I’m letting it go to where ever it wanna settles.

Ok bye pics up soon promise!

Just vomited due to massive migraine. :(

Herbal Tea

After 2 bottles of herbal tea + tcm powder, I’m still not feeling any better. Neither is my mood. Been on a constant downhill. I don’t know if it’s related to my illness or if it’s just the way it is. Tomorrow’s my trip to TW. I’m all packed except for some items needed to be use tomorrow.

My nose is still blocked, throat still hurts. I’m really not in the mood for holiday. I hope I won’t be moody tmr :(

Gonna to sleep now. Hope I’ll feel better tomorrow, both my mood & my health.

Why Today?

I’m sick. Ugh. Down with sore throat & flu & a pending fever. Sucks…

Why today! Why not when I’m back. I’m always sick when I go travelling. Always. Damn it.

I’m almost done with the stuff. Just need to get a few more things, run a few more errands and I’m done.

Today’s plan is to deposite coin savings, visit dentist, collect eyebrow pencil from TM’s Shu Uemura, change money & last but not least, go town to get my foundation. Sucks big time. I’m so groggy-headed. I can’t wait to finish everything so I can come home & rest. Don’t even wanna take med because I don’t wanna be even more drowsy.

Hope I’ll get well by tonight. Oh & I’m so afraid to come back. Because I’m sure, when I’m back, I’ll be double depressed. Oh blue. Leave me alone damn it.

17 Again (I love Zac)

 

Love this song. And LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ZAC EFRON.

 

MY BOYFRIEND

 

This guy is fuck shit okay. Fuck. He is damn bloody bloody GORGEOUS. Shit I’m in love! Shouldn’t have watch it! I am totally in in in love love love. Look at him! When I google-image him, all of the pictures of him were so delicious I don’t know which one to choose and put here. But in the end I chose this because it shows his body and I love that hairy part there. “there”.

 

He makes me go crazy la. I never thought that I would ever fall for a High School Musical guy. I know he is cute but never was I mesmerised. But now, now I want him! God no wonder Vanessa Hudgens send a naked photo of her to him. I would too if I know his email address!!! LOL

 

***

 

All jokes aside (the naked photo part, the in love with him part is not a joke. Again, how can someone be so cute?), I’m leaving in Taiwan in 2 days time (very sure you know already, I personally made sure everyone knows. It’s al over fb LOL) and I haven’t done anything yet. Let’s get organised:

-plan to-bring checklist

-plan to-buy checklist

-to do mani+pedicures

-to plan what clothes to bring

-to color hair black again

-to settle all bills

-to change money

 

Hmmmmmm. That’s about it. Oh and I have dental appointment on Monday, I think I’m gonna take out my braces on Monday. I think ah. Probably not though.

I spent the whole of Saturday nua-ing on my bed. I’m dissolving into a pool of fats already. Can’t wait to get out and do stuff. Keep my mind busy. Gotta go google Taiwan, which I didn’t. Lazy.

 

Okay, gotta go do the checklists now. Checklists are good. They keep me organised :)

My Number 6

I remember I used to post this picture of him wearing a number 6 soccer jersey back facing the camera picture into Friendster which I captioned it as “my number 6”. That was about 4 years ago and we were you know, having a fling-with-feelings. Meaning, it’s the part when you kind of feel like you are falling in love but don’t wanna make it official.

So today is 8th Jan 2011 and I thought I should write an entry about us because it is our 4th year anniversary if we are still together.

I sent him a message this morning before I sleep, saying that I am done with this relationship and he can be whatever he wants, and that my conscience is clear and that I have given him everything that I could possibly give already and the rest is up to him and that I am tired of giving already. That is actually how I feel now and I think I should be honest to him about it.

When I woke up this morning, saw a message that said “happy 3 years anniversary” and that he bought me something from Zara in Milan (btw he is in Milan right now, fml). To which i replied “we met in 2007, so it’s 4th year anniversary”.

***

Spent my day at home resting, watching movie off funshion and eating Domino’s pizza. They have just open an outlet near my house and the delivery time is a sweet 15 mins. Woots. With cute delivery boy whom I’m rather ashamed to let him see me without make in my Doraemon pjs and totally messy hair and oh, bra-less. Nice. And I am very conscious and paranoid that he is gonna judge me, totally single ugly fat no-life loser ordering pizza for herself and probably gonna finish the whole thing within 5mins. Ughh.

So I watched Easy A (currently Bounty Hunter) and made a small thing for him. May I say I’m awesome? Awesome because I created a pouch within a short 1 hour and am feeling very satisfied with it. This has been something that I had been wanting to do since I thought I was gonna accept his job (no luck with that that’s why the long delay of this thoughtful gift) I made him a medicine pouch. Lame but I think it’s important! I always prepare medicine for him when he goes on trips, or when his family goes on trip. Like when his sister went to university in the States, I ordered a long list of medications for her including all the usage and dosage etc. I feel that it’s my job by default since I’m like, the “nurse”. Okay, why did I quote that? I am a nurse.

Whatever, so here is my final product. I haven’t actually got the medicines yet, which is my hatest part because I have to sit down with  doctor and beg him to fill up my prescription form, telling him what medicines I want and the dosage, duration etc. To which they will actually just sign the form and ask me to write whatever crap I want which I hate even more because I don’t know how to fill a prescription form the way the doctors do (which I really should know being a nurse but it’s the whole crap of me working in the theatre and not really have anything to do with meds blah) and I will have to beg him to do it for me which he will definitely think that I am pretty much a bimbo.

Okay, long crap. So here it is:

Okay, the “Ilove you” buttons are not actually means “I love you” but it’s just that they cost me a lot, and I actually do love him at the point of time when I was buying the materials, but not anymore, but I stitch them on anyway because I don’t wanna waste money. Okay why am I explaining?

OH and here’s me :)

btw, this is me face seducing the pizza delivery guy

Point of entry, it’s 8th Jan today.

 

 

P.S: I can’t believe that I posted a picture of me without make up, without bathing, fresh up from the bed on public internet. I am brave.

MOOLAHSS

HUAT AH

$1 and 50-cents

Strawberry piggy-bank

 

Counted my piggybank few days ago. Total sum was $210 :) Happy though was hoping it could be $400+.

 

Recently, I got myself into huge debts. Monthly payment for my bank loan and my camera. I promised myself I will not take up instalments again but I did it anyway.

Stamp, chop, GO

Officially starting my 9 days leave as of today! Wheeeeeeeett! Sweeeeeeee!!

I’m not feeling as excited as I sound like I am or how I should feel. I’m still hovering around some persistent bugging problems, which I have yet to come up with some solution.

Anyway, went out with my dear Hananey & Farhanah today. Feel blessed to have such besties as colleagues :) Went to Nabin’s @ Arab street for dinner followed by Rebel but just for few hours. Although I’m down with a swollen eyelid & rashes on my face due to some unknown allergy, I’m still super on tonight. But the crowd was unbearable. If you think that Phuture is a Cougar Town, then Rebel would be a nursery.

But it’s still nice just dancing “adultly” to ourselves.

***

Yes I think I should be counting my blessing. I know everyone has been telling me to forgive & forget, move on & stop revolving around the same issue over & over again, but I just can’t okay? I can’t move on because there’s so much hatred, anger, negativity in me that I can’t just drop it & move on.

I’m just gonna cross it off my list. You are not there anymore. Just cross it off. Whatever comes, comes. I don’t care anymore. Stop fucking my emotions upside down. I don’t need it. I’m fucking myself. I know. It’s all me & my own negativity. Fuck.

Shower in the Rain

Had a lot of thoughts while bathing just now but forgot all about them when I’m now sitting down here.

Tomorrow is my last day of work. I hope it’s a good day. Today was totally rubbish. So tired scrubbing one after another.

***

Today, I wanna be the girl who doesn’t believe in guys & that all guys are cheaters.

In life, these kind of girls, will eventually meet a guy who is out to prove them wrong. That not all guys are cheaters.

However, if you choose to be the girls who believe in fairy tales, life will eventually find you a cheater & prove you wrong.

It’s not your game, it’s life.

I don’t know I don’t know. I’m sick & tired of the endless thinking. I’m asystole now. Just a straight line. No ups & no downs. I need to be resuscitated.

It’s true, that if a guy wants you in his life, he will work hard to get it.

I just don’t know how to play it well. Always end up losing. I suck at these games.

So for now, let’s just stick to, if a guy wants you in his life, he will work hard to get it.

***

My brain is over worked. Burned all out. I’m gonna sleep now.

xoxo

Mafia

oh thou fluffy love!

oh thou fluffy love!

Totally prepared for Taiwan!! It won’t be that cold though. Haha but I’m gonna use them anyway!

Pink one is Christmas gift from Lyn. The orangy-pink one is bought from china from him. Much loved :)

And he bought a bunch of gifts from all the countries he went for me. Hmmm. Don’t know what to say. But I love the ear muffles :)

This week doesn’t feel as busy as the usual “pre-trip” week. We have not bought our travel items yet and have not plan our itinerary too! But we’ve got the weekends to do, so not that worried. This trip feels different. My attention hasn’t been on the trip. More on the chaos I’m facing in my life now. Leading me to feel that I won’t be able to enjoy the trip as much as I should. Nevertheless, I hope to clear my thoughts & have a good time there!

My thoughts are all jumbled up together now. One minute I’m mature & generous, next minute I’m back to childish & petty. I don’t even know who I truly am anymore. And can’t even concentrate on my reading.

And realise that my “bloated face” isn’t from my menses. It’s from my fats!! My god damned fats! Ugh!!

***

“Do you feel as though you’ve gone too far in something that you recently said or did? If you think you may have crossed a certain line and there’s no way to turn back, you are only partially right. This is a phase of evolution for you, Libra. You’re going to make mistakes. You are going to say inappropriate things. You are going to experience conflict. That’s part of your current journey. Of course there will be a bit of drama, which isn’t something you are fond of. But throughout it all there will be strong, positive growth that will very soon lead to something special.”

My horoscope for today. So true :(

***

Soooo, it’s the midnight calls again, meaning! Bad news from my family. Uncle is in trouble again. The usuals. What else. And my daddy is the in-charge again. What a loving daddy. He was totally like telling the “brothers” anything, just call him! So brother!

***

I’m off to sleep. My Monday starts on a Wednesday. & just 3 working days in a week. How cool! 3 more days. Just 3 more working days to my leave! Can’t wait.

xoxo

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