There’s something about attending weddings in your twenties that makes you rethink your entire life and entire belief system and your faith system.

It’s like so many thoughts kept crashing into my mind throughout the wedding, from the march in (“really? oh so that’s the song they’ve chosen for their first march in…”), to the cake cutting, to the photography slide shows, to the horrible emcees (“did they even rehearse omg”) etc.

Apart from those comments which I politely kept to myself, there were those unforgivingly touching moments where my tears were just right there, about to spill out, but I didn’t as pride and ego wouldn’t allow me that (I was at the same table with my soon-to-be-ex-bosses and couple of my colleagues from other regions).

And in between every moment, there came this little annoying asshole that kept screaming “WHAT IF THIS DAY NEVER COME TRUE FOR ME!!! T_T” It’s like every minute okay. It’s so terrifying that I wanna do an exorcism on the spot to get rid of this motherfucker.

And then came the calculations of like how old is the bride and groom, how much was it per table, how much were the photography, how much blah blah blah, and am glad to say, I am too damn far from the estimated figure required to get marry. 

Meaning, by hook or by crook, if I do have to get marry, no matter how in love I am, or how pregnant I am, it is not possible. It is simply not possible for me to get that amount within, say, the next 3 years.

And c’mon, to give up that money, in exchange for a marriage certificate that may or may not even last for 10 years, is a little too risky. A branded bag or a car would have promise a more lasting relationship. 

Okay I’m being too sadist here aren’t I? 
No I still believe in love and all. I got so much goosebumps and tearing yesterday I swear I may have been more touched than the bride’s maid of honour (okay maybe not), but still, maybe I haven’t met the guy that I am willing to give up everything for.

Not that I am having a wonderful single life now, I do get a lot of days where I need need need a man to cuddle with, someone that I can throw tantrum to, someone that I can rant to, someone that you know, get in bed with. For now I have my source (don’t ask), but all I’m saying is, I guess after all the traumatising past relationships (YES TRAUMATISING & I’m not even exaggerating – Rudy & Derek both of you can go eat shit and get syphilis), I am not ready to believe in love and all that fairy tale crap yet.

What are the chances that my next boyfriend is not gonna cheat on me? 

ANYWAYS, I was just telling everybody that I’m such a crybaby it’s probably gonna be a total sobfest for me during my bffs’ wedding! Which I totally can’t wait.

And also, I came to the conclusion that weddings are just events to make all the single ladies out there worry for their dear life and I should most probably try not to attend any more of them to remain sane and not end up settling for the next best thing just because tick-tock tick-tock my clock is ticking. 

But on the same note, I’ve decided that during my wedding, I’m gonna fucking make sure it’s so sweet and romantic that I’M GONNA MAKE ALL THE SINGLE LADIES AT MY WEDDING CRY AND PANIC.

Muahaha because that’s how karma works.

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