HUMAN

Okay, this December had me hating malls & shopping, courtesy of all the school holidays & those damn kids.

I made a list of the Top 6 people I hate most when I’m shopping:

1) THE DAMN BLOODY KIDS WHO SEEM TO BE RUNNING CIRCLES AROUND YOU.
I mean it, they are everywhere and they are always always running.

Can you blame me for wanting to push them all out of my way?

You know the dog-leash lookalike that the Japanese created for kids? I used to be against it.

Now I’m like, buying a hundred & giving it out for free. USE THEM, PARENTS, USE THEM. LEASH THEM.

2) Lost parents who have no idea where they are going, where their kids are, or what are they doing in life.
Please, stop abruptly in the middle of the road all you want, my pleasure to walk behind you, how do you know I love surprises.

3) Huge families who love to stroll like they’re in a garden watching the moon & sipping hot tea.
This is a mall, I’m not in a rush but I’m not interested in joining your big walk.

Get out of the way.

4) Teens/young adults so god damned focus on their phone, they lost track of time, speed, & direction.

I hope you walk into a wall.

5) Couples. Lovey dovey couples on the escalator, trying to grab whatever they can on the 30 seconds-long escalator ride, with me standing behind & staring at them.

Get a room.

6) Students playing games in the mall. Like bloody treasure hunt or some stupid dumb ass team building game.

I hope you’ll locate the mousetrap I hid for you.

I’m not angsty or nasty.. No no no.
I’m just easily stressed when I’m shopping for Xmas gifts.

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