After so long.. I’m single again. It’s so hard accepting it. But I am.

I couldn’t say I feel better. Not at all, in fact. But not worse. I just wish I could fast forward time, and make this unpleasantness disappear. And make myself mature overnight. But I can’t. I have to go through this hell, live through this pain, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month. I couldn’t really see the end to this tunnel yet, but I’m confident that I will. Someday.

I told him I hope we’ll have the fate to meet again. I just hope I won’t stray, & he won’t stray too. I just hope we will be able to go through this, and meet again at the end. I really hope because honestly, he is the best thing that could happen to me. Ever.

I’m sad that we’re separating. But I can see that it’s inevitable. This separation. Gives me the space to grow. I should be thankful for it. It’ll make me a strong & independent person.

I forgot how it was like. How I’d go through day by day without the need to msg someone constantly, without the need to talk to someone every night, without the need to have a company for the weekend. I forgot how I got through that. Now, it’s a new start for me. It is unsettling. But I know I can. I don’t need the have plans. Ideally around is fine. Hopefully, I’ll get really good at the wedding planning thing & I’ll really focus my energy there.

I gotta say, I’m very worried about the wedding planning business. I took a bank loan which means, it’s all my hard work money. I need to not regret at the end! I know I’m gonna get discouraged from time to time when I did something bad or when I can’t cope or when I get reprimanded or when I receive bad comments. But I need to keep my head up. Now that I’m all alone, there’s no one there to cheer on me. So if I don’t do it, no one else will. I’m so afraid of embarking onto this whole new journey. Something that I know nuts about it. It’s really frightening but I must really keep my head up.

I need to cheer myself up. Really need to. Jia you candy lee. You’re not the same candy anymore. You’re new. Good luck.

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